


a ragtag group of memers

by mukeandziamgotmelike



Series: captainy shenanigans [6]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Chatting & Messaging, Drama, F/F, F/M, First years as third years, Fluff and Humor, Friendship, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, LGBTQ Themes, M/M, Memes, Nonbinary Character, Recreational Drug Use, References to Depression, Relationship(s), Sleepovers, Volleyball, Volleyball Dorks in Love, captain squad!!, chatfic, finale to these chatfics :'(, groupchat, is kogane getting his dick sucked? the world may never know, mentions of juuling??, passive aggressive shipping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-31
Updated: 2019-06-27
Packaged: 2020-03-30 20:59:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 28,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19035514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mukeandziamgotmelike/pseuds/mukeandziamgotmelike
Summary: ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*  kylo ren ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*: so what is thisgucci not prada: Do you remember Terushima-san talking about a captains’ groupchat?✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*  kylo ren ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*: ya but sometimes i liked to block out his yellinggucci not prada: Well this is our groupchat!!✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*  kylo ren ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*: KEWL✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*  kylo ren ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*: so what do u guys talk about?????turnup: recently the topic has been bdsm. what’s your say?(or, everyone's favorite first years finishing off the chatfic trio)





	1. only 90's kids remember terufuta

**Author's Note:**

> OK GUYS 
> 
> UH
> 
> THIS TOOK A L O N G TIME
> 
> a couple disclaimers:  
> 1\. johzenji doesnt have a named first year?? as far as i know?? so i made one: his name is arakida ren! he'll be our party team representative xxx  
> p. s. why doesnt teru add him from the get go??? we'll find that out as the chat continues  
> 2\. i havent been reading the manga lately so im sorry if i get any characterization or other things wrong !!
> 
> other than that i think i'll let this chat speak for itself. i'll update this every other day for yall (or maybe post it all at once cuz i have no self control) but i hope you enjoy!! this is the last c h a t f i c i'll be posting for my captain bbys but i will definitely try to put out more general fics!! love y'all, and thank u for your patience!!
> 
> also: this is the third part to two other chatfics, one with the current captains and one with the next gen captains. it's not that important rn but check the series for those two fics !! ok bye fr now xxx

**_gucci has added gucci not prada, angRY BIRDS, shiba inu xD, turnup, longsufferingsigh, demi swan princess, and omonaga-kun to the chat._ **

**gucci:** have fun guys!!!!!!!!! xxxxxxx - terushima (aka the best captain ever @shirabu suck it XP)

**_gucci has left the chat._ **

**longsufferingsigh:** …..what

 **gucci not prada:** Who are you people? I’m sorry I just don’t know!!

 **angRY BIRDS:** im koganegawa frum dateko!!1!

 **longsufferingsigh:** kuguri, from nohebi.

 **longsufferingsigh:** i have no idea what this is, but daishou-san’s boyfriend made it.

 **longsufferingsigh:** and he’s just informed daishou-san, who is harrassing me with text messages. fantastic.

 **gucci not prada:** Is Nohebi a Tokyo school?

 **longsufferingsigh:** ye

 **gucci not prada:** Oh cool! I’m Yamaguchi from Karasuno!

 **turnup:** karasuno sucks

 **gucci not prada:** And Aoba Johsai swallows. :)

 **angRY BIRDS:**???????

 **turnup:** WELL SPITTERS ARE QUITTERS YAMAGUCHI

 **longsufferingsigh:** wow, the _shade._

 **shiba inu xD:** OOOOOHHHHH GOOD ONE YAMAGUCHI

 **turnup:** who still uses ‘xD’ what the fuck

 **angRY BIRDS:** wut happened 2 the nice boy i met in our 1st year????

 **turnup:** what

 **angRY BIRDS:** BRING HIM BACK PLZ I MISS HIM

 **turnup:** kogane you’re not making any sense????

 **demi swan princess:** wow kogane get your shit together??????

 **turnup:** stop mocking me you piece of shit?????

 **demi swan princess:** you stop you root vegetable commonly grown in temperate climates worldwide for its white, bulbous taproot?????

 **longsufferingsigh:** this is golden i’m screenshotting

 **gucci not prada:** The Seijoh and Shiratorizawa rivalries run deep, apparently.

 **turnup:** anyway hey i’m kindaichi from seijoh

 **demi swan princess:** goshiki tsutomu, from shiratorizawa!!!!!!!!!

 **shiba inu xD:** INUOKA SOU, FROM NEKOMA :3

 **shiba inu xD:** wait where’s wataru at?????

 **longsufferingsigh:** yeah, he’s the only one who really gets me, ya know?

 **shiba inu xD:** please stop

 **omonaga-kun:** don’t worry i’m here for you naoyasu

 **longsufferingsigh:** my love

 **gucci not prada:** Ooh is that Onaga Wataru I see?

 **omonaga-kun:** maybe

 **turnup:** HA LONG FACE-KUN

 **omonaga-kun:** stop cyberbullying me wow

 **longsufferingsigh:** that’s a big no-no.

 **_shiba inu xD has changed the chat name to_ ** **_cyberbully free zone_ ** **_._ **

**angRY BIRDS:** OMGGGGGGG THE TOKYO CAPTAINS ARE WILD

 **demi swan princess:** speaking of wild

 **demi swan princess:** arent we missing a team???

 **turnup:** i’m shocked you would even pay them mind.

 **demi swan princess:** What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.

 **anGRY BIRDS:** goshikiiiiiii what have they done to u??? i remember when u didnt even know what a meme wassss…

 **demi swan princess:** shirabu-san and taichi had a big impact on me gahhhhh i miss themm

 **gucci not prada:** They haven’t graduated yet though?

 **demi swan princess:** ITS LIKE THEIR DEAD :(((((((((

 **omonaga-kun:** *they’re

 **demi swan princess:** STFU WHO EVEN ARE YOU

 **omonaga-kun:** i’m the captain of fukurodani

 **demi swan princess:** owl fucker

 **longsufferingsigh:** *le gay gasp*

 **shiba inu xD:** :O

 **omonaga-kun:** don’t mess with us tokyo gangsters

 **longsufferingsigh:** WATCH YO BACK, SWAN BOI

 **demi swan princess:** yeah whatever where is the johzenji captain

 **longsufferingsigh:** that sounds like a miyagi problem

 **gucci not prada:** Did any of you even know a first year from Johzenji?

 **anGRY BIRDS:** o i know who the cpatain is!!!!

 **turnup:** wow who is it

 **demi swan princess:** tell us kogane

 **anGRY BIRDS:** his name is arakida ren!!! hes soooooooooo cute!!!!!!!!! hes a wingspiker and hes reallllyyyyyyyyy nice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **turnup:** so many exclamation points…

 **gucci not prada:** Well add him!

 **demi swan princess:** no he can’t sit with us

 **anGRY BIRDS:** im adding him!!!

 **demi swan princess:** DONT IGNORE ME BITCH

 **_anGRY BIRDS has added ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* kylo ren ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* to _ ** **_cyberbully free zone_ ** **_._ **

**anGRY BIRDS:** here he is!!!!!!!!!!

 **turnup:** you’re so energetic, your punctuation gives me a headache

 **✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*  kylo ren ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*:** haiiiii!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **turnup:** just kill me now honestly

 **demi swan princess:** WHY ARE YOU SO SALTY

 **turnup:** i’m not!!

 **longsufferingsigh:** except you kinda are?

 **shiba inu xD:** guys don’t make fun of kindaichi!!

 **longsufferingsigh:** what a considerate ass man

 **✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*  kylo ren ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*:** so what is this

 **gucci not prada:** Do you remember Terushima-san talking about a captains’ groupchat?

 **✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*  kylo ren ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*:** ya but sometimes i liked to block out his yelling

 **gucci not prada:** Well this is our groupchat!!

 **✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*  kylo ren ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*:** KEWL

 **✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*  kylo ren ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*:** so what do u guys talk about?????

 **turnup:** recently the topic has been bdsm. what’s your say?

 **demi swan princess:** HOW DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS YOUR LIKE TEN

 **omonaga-kun:** *you’re

 **demi swan princess:** STOP

 **longsufferingsigh:** he says that then leaves what a legend

 **longsufferingsigh:** he’s honestly my most favorite person in the world

 **omonaga-kun:** ;)

 **longsufferingsigh:** <https://www.dailydot.com/wp-content/uploads/228/6f/ab64a69d4cd848bad23ed0f9190a91eb.jpg>

**demi swan princess:** ewww kuguri uses old memes

 **longsufferingsigh:** stay in ur lane sweaty :)

 **demi swan princess:** EWWWWWW

 **_omonaga-kun has changed longsufferingsigh’s name to_ ** **_stale white bread_ ** **_._ **

**stale white bread:** BETRAYED BY MY OWN KIND

 **✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*  kylo ren ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*:** get rekt m8

 **turnup:** the worst kind of white bread

 **shiba inu xD:** rip in rest

 **stale white bread:** unfriended, unfollowed, blocked, my mom’s calling your mom and you’re not invited to my teen queen sweet sixteen summer beach bash birthday party

 **demi swan princess:** is there any way we can like remove him from the chat

 **✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*  kylo ren ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*:** yes its called the sweet embrace of death

 **anGRY BIRDS:** what????????

 **✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*  kylo ren ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*:** what

 **gucci not prada:** Guys, don’t be mean to Kuguri

 **stale white bread:** i don’t need your pity

 **gucci not prada:** I’m just trying to help you out!!

 **stale white bread:** i’m sorry i’m just looking for a rival

 **stale white bread:** apparently if i’m on nohebi i have to have one

 **stale white bread:** i mean our rival was nekoma up until daishou-san and kuroo-san graduated

 **stale white bread:** seguro-san told me that fukunaga-san was too nice to fight

 **shiba inu xD:** i hate to be the one to break this to you, but karasuno have always been our main rivals????

 **shiba inu xD:** you guys were kind of like a road block that we eventually got by after teamwork and crying

 **anGRY BIRDS:** is no 1 worried about what ren said??????

 **stale white bread:** OH THANK GOD

 **stale white bread:** pointless rivalries really waste my time and energy

 **omonaga-kun:** sorry for being such an INCONVENIENCE

 **stale white bread:** wait no bae come back i’m sorry

 **stale white bread:** our rivalry is precious to me

 **stale white bread:** you’s my cinnamon apple

 **omonaga-kun:** i’m allergic to cinnamon

 **stale white bread:** you’s my apple

 **turnup:** FIGHT ON KUGURI

 **anGRY BIRDS:** so im the only 1. gr8

 **shiba inu xD:** guys what do you do when someone is texting you in russian

 **gucci not prada:** Is it Lev?

 **shiba inu xD:** yea

 **gucci not prada:** Ignore him. He probably doesn’t even know what he’s saying

 **shiba inu xD:** cool

 **shiba inu xD:** now what do i do with my smol and sexy bf who wants to get it on

 **shiba inu xD:** SHIT I PRESSED SEND INSTEAD OF BACKSPACE

 **shiba inu xD:** DELETING MY EXISTENCE BRB

 **stale white bread:** as someone who still uses ‘xD’, you should not be allowed to ‘get it on’ with anybody.

 **turnup:** i bet he busts after making out on the couch w his bf for 2 minutes

 **anGRY BIRDS:** I

 **gucci not prada:** STOP YOU ARE TRAUMATIZING KOGANE

 **gucci not prada:** I AM GOING TO BE IN SO MUCH TROUBLE WITH HIS MOM

 **✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*  kylo ren ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*:** i love PUSSY

 **demi swan princess:** SO WILD HAHA

 **✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*  kylo ren ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*:** I’M JUST KIDDING COULD YOU IMAGINE LMAO

 **gucci not prada:** Stop it!!

 **✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*  kylo ren ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*:** yama loves the pussy

 **✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*  kylo ren ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*:** he respects the pussy

 **gucci not prada:** Blocked

 **✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*  kylo ren ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*:** ur a chotch and a brussels sprout

 **turnup:** YAMAGUCHI UR WILD

 **stale white bread:** baller

 **turnup:** STOP

^^^

 **shiba inu xD:** can i ask a wild question?

 **turnup:** sure

 **shiba inu xD:** so

 **shiba inu xD:** is it like weird

 **shiba inu xD:** to ship people

 **shiba inu xD:** that aren’t actually together??

 **stale white bread:** not at all, i do it all the time

 **stale white bread:** kuroshou is my otp tbh

 **demi swan princess:** so who is it that you ship?

 **shiba inu xD:** well kuroo-san and bokuto-san

 **omonaga-kun:** isn’t that canon?

 **shiba inu xD:** with terushima-san from johzenji

 **✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*  kylo ren ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*:** i can see that

 **✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*  kylo ren ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*:** but my guilty pleasure is honestly terushima-senpai and sawamura-san from karasuno

 **✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*  kylo ren ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*:** i might not have played in that game but i have a sixth sense when it comes to sexual tension

 **shiba inu xD:** he gets it

 **stale white bread:** where’s kogane and why hasn’t he ever told us that the kid gets it

 **✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*  kylo ren ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*:** ‘the kid’ i’m the same age as you

 **_stale white bread has changed ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*  kylo ren ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*’s name to_ ** **_he gets it_ ** **_._ **

**he gets it:** why did you do that

 **stale white bread:** the sparkles were hurting my eyes whenever you said anything

 **stale white bread:** i was lying in wait for you to slip up and make a name for yourself

 **he gets it:** you sick bastard, those sparkles were my whole life

 **turnup:** ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*  

 **turnup:** #sparklesforren

 **demi swan princess:** the fact that you actually typed the hashtag

 **demi swan princess:** god what a douchebag

 **_stale white bread has changed demi swan princess’s name to_ ** **_THE POET™_ ** **_._ **

**THE POET™:** THAT WAS AN ACCIDENT STOP CYBERBULLYING

 **stale white bread:** i’m always watching.

 **stale white bread:** waiting.

 **stale white bread:** preparing for the moment any of you will slip up.

 **turnup:** why do we tolerate this?

 **shiba inu xD:** guys please help i really ship them

 **he gets it:** hey maybe we can summon yamaguchi and kogane through passive aggressive shipping

 **shiba inu xD:** y’all don’t understand

 **turnup:** i ship sakunami and nametsu-san

 **THE POET™:** tbh i ship tsukishima and hinata

 **THE POET™:** they bonded at our training camp

 **turnup:** ew

 **anGRY BIRDS:** i ship kou and nametsu-san 2!!!1!!!!1!

 **turnup:** why

 **THE POET™:** kogane do you know what shipping is?

 **anGRY BIRDS:** there best friends!!! friendship!!!

 **omonaga-kun:** *they’re

 **stale white bread:** that’s not how shipping works, kogane.

 **anGRY BIRDS:** but friendSHIP

 **THE POET™:** relationSHIP

 **anGRY BIRDS:** OH SHOOT

 **turnup:** shoot

 **stale white bread:** shoot

 **THE POET™:** shoot

 **he gets it:** shoot

 **shiba inu xD:** shoot

 **anGRY BIRDS:** STOP I DONT LIKE SWEARING

 **anGRY BIRDS:** but wait inu arent terushima-san and futakuchi-senpai datign????

 **shiba inu xD:** not that i know of? isn’t terushima-san dating daishou-san?

 **THE POET™:** that’s really old news kogane

 **THE POET™:** shirabu-senpai was complaining about that relationship drama way back

 **turnup:** only 90’s kids remember terufuta

 **stale white bread:** i have the whole story do you wanna hear it

 **anGRY BIRDS:** YES IM SO CONFSUDE?????

 **stale white bread:** so. here’s the 411. terushima met daishou-san in the first captains’ group chat, when sawamura from karasuno added him. they flirted and shit, daishou-san went to miyagi, came back bragging about his new boy toy.

 **stale white bread:** they were literally in their honeymoon stage 5ever until daishou-san graduated and went off to college. he was suddenly super scared about teru cheating on him or leaving him because of the long distance and i was like ??? you were literally always apart from each other you live in different prefectures??????

 **stale white bread:** he was really nervous and insecure i guess so he broke it off with terushima, under the excuse that he couldn’t handle the long distance relationship. devastated, terushima turned to his little group of next gen captains, receiving affection back from one futakuchi kenji.

 **stale white bread:** he and futakuchi probably dated for about a month or two. in that time, moniwa-san served as a neutral party since he goes to school with daishou-san and they were really good friends, but futakuchi was his kouhai and he still felt partial to him and his feelings. eventually, though, hiroo-san and sakijima-san knocked some sense into daishou-san and made him realize that he was still in love with terushima.

 **stale white bread:** terushima broke up with futakuchi and got back together with daishou-san, and now they’re together again. i’m pretty sure futakuchi is dating his old senpai or something.

 **anGRY BIRDS:** WHY DID I NEVER KNOW THIS???????????

 **_turnup has changed anGRY BIRDS’s name to_ ** **_out of the loop_ ** **_._ **

**_THE POET™ has changed out of the loop’s name to_ ** **_?????_ ** **_._ **

**turnup:** why do you try to one up me

 **THE POET™:** because i’m better than you

 **he gets it:** my fave part of that story was moniwa-san’s guest appearance

 **?????:** i missssssss himmmmmmm

 **?????:** he was so nice yknow

 **he gets it:** tbh: he was p nice but we didn’t talk much lol rate: 8.5 date: no haha

 **stale white bread:** i’m going to comment that on everything daishou-san ever posts from now on.

 **turnup:** guys where’s yamaguchi

 **he gets it:** he’s gone

 **?????:** WHAT

 **he gets it:** what

 **shiba inu xD:** lol he probably has a life or smth

 **THE POET™:** lol why tho

 **stale white bread:** me in the morning af

 **turnup:** stop trying to be relatable

 **he gets it:** do you think yamaguchi has ever interacted w terushima-senpai

 **THE POET™:** maybe why

 **he gets it:** no offense but teruyama is a good quality ship and i find it adorable

 **turnup:** i ship terushima-san with his middle blocker

 **he gets it:** bobata-senpai?

 **turnup:** sure whatever

 **stale white bread:** futamata takeharu x his right hand

 **shiba inu xD:** futamata takeharu harem

 **omonaga-kun:** futamata takeharu x futamata takeharu

 **THE POET™:** i’m not racist but i think same sex marriage should be between a man and a woman

 **stale white bread:** how high are you

 **?????:** *hi how r u

 **shiba inu xD:** hey ren how do you join futamata takeharu’s harem

 **he gets it:** cut your palm squeeze lemon juice on the wound and sacrifice your firstborn child to the gods

 **stale white bread:** you know what they say when life gives you lemons cut your palm and squeeze lemon juice in the wound to join futamata takeharu’s harem

 **he gets it:** you forgot sacrificing your firstborn child to the gods

 **turnup:** i bet yamaguchi is in the futamata takeharu harem

 **THE POET™:** that’s why he’s not here he’s worshipping futamata takeharu

 **shiba inu xD:** *satan

 **?????:** yama is a satanist?????????

 **stale white bread:** lowkey though

 **turnup:** do you guys watch ghost adventures

 **THE POET™:** YES

 **stale white bread:** yeah

 **shiba inu xD:** yesss even though it scares me a little yuuki likes it

 **omonaga-kun:** masterpiece

 **?????:** ive seen a couple episdoes that futakuchi-senpai has shown me!!!!!

 **he gets it:** zak is a daddy

 **he gets it:** he could choke me with his arms

 **turnup:** we should go ghost hunting one day lmao

 **stale white bread:** kindaichi is asking us out on a big polyamorous date ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **he gets it:** tag urself im aaron

 **?????:** im the one inmate who died from masturbation in the eastern state penitentiary

 **stale white bread:** lmao u wild kogane

 **turnup:** guys after i die go ghost hunting in my house i’ll say funny shit for the lolz on youtube

 **shiba inu xD:** au where we’re all ghost hunters

 **he gets it:** au where zak bagans is my sugar daddy

 **stale white bread:** au where yamaguchi actually fucking responds to the chat

 **THE POET™:** when you’re salty but also passive aggressive

 **turnup:** au where yamaguchi has zak bagans arms

 **?????:** whats an au??????

 **stale white bread:** alternate universe

 **turnup:** ghost adventures au where kogane is the ghost that doesn’t know they’re a ghost

 **?????:** O I THINK I GET IT

 **?????:** au where nobody is really alive were just a bunch of dead people roaming the earth and interacting with each other pointlessly

 **stale white bread:** woah

 **shiba inu xD:** oh no

 **turnup:** what?

 **THE POET™:** kogane got deep

 **stale white bread:** woah

 **_omonaga-kun has changed stale white bread’s name to_ ** **_existential crisis mode_ ** **_._ **

**existential crisis mode:** woah

 **shiba inu xD:** i pity the fools on nohebi

 **existential crisis mode:** woah

^^^

 **gucci not prada:** Why do you guys ship Tsukki with Hinata?


	2. johzenji-fukurodani discourse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kindaichi gets everyone to cry with him, goshiki has some... strange interests, a MaNaGeR's ChAt?, kuguri has a thing for daishou's instagram, and a pReTtY sEtTeR's ChAt?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oof hi again y'all!! 
> 
> i wrote this part in freshman year religion class after we watched the movie that these fine lads are watching now. if you wanna watch it so the chat makes a lil more sense, i'm almost sure that it won't put a virus on ur computer????? also, i'm pretty sure it's on netflix and amazon. but like most things in these chats this topic only exists for a short amount of time so do you !!
> 
> i haven't read the manga in FOREVER so if i get stuff wrong about miya im sorry?? i tried to keep it general and limited tho eek
> 
> i hope you enjoy this chapter, love y'all!!

**turnup:** GUYS

**turnup:** I NEED SUPPORT

**turnup:** I AM SO UPSET

**THE POET™:** i bet he ran out of hair product

**turnup:** ITS NOT THAT

**turnup:** SO WE WATCHED A MOVIE IN MY ENGLISH CLASS TODAY

**turnup:** I COULDNT FULLY UNDERSTAND WHAT IS WAS ABOUT BUT I GOT THE GIST

**turnup:** I MEAN THERE WERE SUBTITLES BUT LIKE IM BAD AT READING AND WATCHING AT THE SAME TIME

**turnup:** THIS MOVIE

**turnup:** WAS THE SADDEST THING IVE EVER WATCHED

**turnup:** MANY GIRLS IN MY CLASS WERE CRYING

**turnup:** I SHED A TEAR OR TWO

**gucci not prada:** Which movie was it? Also I hope you’re feeling okay!

**turnup:** it was called simon birch

**turnup:** I SOBBBBED

**gucci not prada:** Ennoshita-san once told us about that movie! He said it’s really sad, but I’ve never seen it

**THE POET™:** me neither

**?????:** not me!!!!

**he gets it:** yeah lol ive never heard of that in my life

**turnup:** WHAT

**turnup:** okay that’s it we’re watching it

**turnup:** together

**?????:** im not really the best at english??????

**THE POET™:** _ subtitles  _ kogane

**gucci not prada:** Kogane only reads…  _ kanji. _

**he gets it:** execute yourself

**gucci not prada:** That’s really mean and I don’t appreciate it

**he gets it:** oh sorry

**?????:** o cool lets watch it!!!

**turnup:** okay i found a link

**turnup:** where are the tokyo guys

**he gets it:** onaga is always creeping

**omonaga-kun:** hey

**THE POET™:** i bet kuguri and inu are making out somewhere

**shiba inu xD:** EW

**existential crisis mode:** HAHA GAY MAN I WOULDN’T KISS YOU

**shiba inu xD:** … you wouldn’t?

**existential crisis mode:** i mean unless you wanted… 

**turnup:** okay anyway

**turnup:** [ https://123movies.is/film/simon-birch-5420/watching.html ](https://123movies.is/film/simon-birch-5420/watching.html)

**THE POET™:** this better not put a virus on my computer

**turnup:** i would never hurt you like that

**THE POET™:** xxx

**?????:** ?????

**existential crisis mode:** i’m already getting anxious

**he gets it:** its just the opening credits

**existential crisis mode:** :’’’’’(

^^^

**?????:** this kid is 2 real honestly

**turnup:** rightttt????

^^^

**gucci not prada:** If I were straight I would totally be attracted to Rebecca Wenteworth.

**existential crisis mode:** right there with you tbh

**shiba inu xD:** can she be our honorary squad mom?

^^^

**he gets it:** I KNOW THIS IS BAD BUT CAN I PUNCH THE REVEREND DUDE IN THE FACE

**turnup:** NO STOP HE’S KINDA IMPORTANT TO THE STORY

^^^

**THE POET™:** AND THE FIRST TEARS ARE SHED

**THE POET™:** JUST RIP OUT MY HEART THAT’S COOL

`^^^

**?????:** THE ANGST

**existential crisis mode:** CAN I GIVE JOE LIKE 8 HUGS

**turnup:** GIVE JOE ALL THE HUGS

^^^

**omonaga-kun:** NO

**omonaga-kun:** DON’T BE A HERO SIMON

**turnup:** ITS HIS DESTINY

**omonaga-kun:** FUCK

**omonaga-kun:** FUCK THIS FUCKING MOVIE NO

**omonaga-kun:** I DIDN’T ASK TO BE ATTACKED LIKE THIS

**omonaga-kun:** I KNOW WHATS GONNA HAPPEN

**omonaga-kun:** DONT TYOU DARE FUCKING DO IT

**omonaga-kun:** FUCK THEY DONE DID IT

**omonaga-kun:** NO

**omonaga-kun:** DONT YOU FUCKING END IT THERE DONT YOU FUCKING DO THIS TO ME

**omonaga-kun:** FUCK OUY KINDAIHCI

**turnup:** i know what happeNS AND IM STILL CRYING RN

**gucci not prada:** AHHHH DONT CRY NOW IM CRYING EVEN MORE

**shiba inu xD:** WHY

**THE POET™:** SO FUCKIN SHOOK RN TF

**he gets it:** NOOOOOO THIS IS TOTALLY LAME IM NOT CRYING

**?????:** I AM

**existential crisis mode:** i just feel super emotionally drained and ready for sleep

**omonaga-kun:** NO KUGURI DONT U DARE SHUT UR FUCKING EYES

**existential crisis mode:** what?

**omonaga-kun:** IM NOT LOSING U TOO

**gucci not prada:** TSUKKI WATCHED IT WITH ME AND HES EVEN TEARING UP

**gucci not prada:** THE GLASSES JUST CAME OFF I CAN SEE TEARS

**he gets it:** this is bullshit fuck u kindaichi!!!!!!!!!

**THE POET™:** MAKING US FEEL THINGS

**turnup:** I WAS NOT GOING THROUGH THIS ALONE

**shiba inu xD:** I DID NOT HAVE CRYING SCHEDULED FOR TONIGHT

**?????:** u schedule crying???

**shiba inu xD:** STOP IT SOMETIMES I HAVE ROUGH DAYS

**gucci not prada:** Wow that’s really relatable

**turnup:** but let’s be real wasn’t ben the dankest character ever

**existential crisis mode:** oh he was baller

**THE POET™:** so clutch

**?????:** i dont know what those words mean but ben was really great!!!

**he gets it:** i think i wanna change my aspiration in life

**existential crisis mode:** to what

**he gets it:** the arts

**he gets it:** theater to be precise

**he gets it:** following in the footsteps of ben goodrich

**turnup:** you could say he’s… changing his major

**THE POET™:** I’M CHANGING MY MAJOR TO JOAN

**THE POET™:** I’M CHANGING MY MAJOR TO SEX WITH JOAN

**turnup:** got im

**THE POET™:** NO WAIT FUCK

**omonaga-kun:** isn’t that from fun home? the musical?

**THE POET™:** maybe

**THE POET™:** yes

**THE POET™:** you have discovered my darkest secret

**existential crisis mode:** i can go fifty shades darker than that

**shiba inu xD:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**existential crisis mode:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**gucci not prada:** Wait Onaga how did you know what musical he was referencing?

**omonaga-kun:** shirofuku-san was really into theater. she was in a lot of the plays at fukurodani, and she auditioned for colleges with that song.

**THE POET™:** OMG THAT’S SO COOL

**THE POET™:** DID SHE GET IN???

**omonaga-kun:** i think so. either way, she’s majoring in theater.

**turnup:** i thought she was majoring in joan

**he gets it:** she’s majoring in hana

**existential crisis mode:** WOW

**shiba inu xD:** POW POW EXPOSED

**THE POET™:** casually changes the lyrics to ‘changing my major to hana’

**turnup:** that doesn’t sound right at all

**THE POET™:** boo u whore

**shiba inu xD:** wait isn’t kaori-kun dating kuribayashi-kun?

**he gets it:** WHAT

**omonaga-kun:** idk

**he gets it:** WAIT SERIOUSLY WHAT

**_existential crisis mode has changed the chat name to_ ** **_johzenji-fukurodani discourse_ ** **_._ **

**shiba inu xD:** wait you guys didn’t know?

**gucci not prada:** Even I knew that. Pretty sure they met when Misaki-san and Shirofuku-san were on a date?

**he gets it:** WAIT IM SO CONFUSED

**_turnup has changed he gets it’s name to_ ** **_the shookening™_ ** **_._ **

**THE POET™:** I NOW HAVE SLIGHTLY MORE RESPECT FOR YOU

**turnup:** fuck i don’t want it

**turnup:** p u t i t b a c k

**existential crisis mode:** they might’ve met in the manager’s chat?

**the shookening™:** _ A MANAGER’S CHAT???????? _

**omonaga-kun:** that chat is hilarious honestly

**shiba inu xD:** I KNOW they just talk about how stupid we are and ask each other ‘who would you rather do?’ questions lmao

**the shookening™:** HOW DO YOU KNOW YO DONT HAVE A MANAGER???????

**shiba inu xD:** i’m friends w kaori

**omonaga-kun:** i would maliciously steal kaori’s phone if i wasn’t terrified of women

**gucci not prada:** OKAY ME??????

**the shookening™:** IM HYPERVENTILATING WHAT

**?????:** and u guys say im out of the loop lol

**the shookening™:** KOGANE YOU KNEW ABOUT THIS????????

**?????:** nametsu-san was in it!!!!

**?????:** and we usually have quite a few practice matches w johzenji

**the shookening™:** THEN HOW DO I NOT KNOW IM  _ ON  _ JOHZENJI

**existential crisis mode:** i bet you were brooding in the corner w teenage angst

**the shookening™:** tbh you’re probably right

**?????:** ur probs the edgiest member of johzenji ever

**the shookening™:** runa calls me edgy the edgehog

**the shookening™:** she’s like my best friend i’m honestly so honored to have her in my life

**existential crisis mode:** too pure

**THE POET™:** only those clean of sin can witness this friendship

**omonaga-kun:** well shit i’m out

**turnup:** same

**THE POET™:** gasp kindaichi’s not a virgin

**turnup:** i’ve been dating someone since first year lol

**existential crisis mode:** WHOOOOOOO

**the shookening™:** give us alllllllllll the details

**the shookening™:** i think terushima-senpai just possessed my body why did i type that

**turnup:** it’s kunimi

**turnup:** they’ve been my best friend since middle school

**existential crisis mode:** is kunimi nonbinary?

**turnup:** yeah. they/them pronouns 

**existential crisis mode:** dope

**THE POET™:** so clutch

**turnup:** goshiki ur literally the coolest

**THE POET™:** *kewlest

**_????? has changed THE POET™’s name to_ ** **_kewlest_ ** **_._ **

**kewlest:** you should all strive to be more like kogane

**kewlest:** he gets me

**existential crisis mode:** guys you know what makes me happy

**shiba inu xD:** gay pride flags

**turnup:** that nazi getting punched

**the shookening™:** don’t stop me now by queen

**omonaga-kun:** victuuri

**kewlest:** christophe giacometti in a flower crown

**gucci not prada:** Bisexuality?

**?????:** CUPCAKES

**existential crisis mode:** yes to all of those but also no

**existential crisis mode:** i was gonna say annihilating gender roles

**existential crisis mode:** but the fact that you all know so much about me puts a smile on my face

**existential crisis mode:** if i had tear ducts like a normal human being i’d be crying tears of joy rn

**gucci not prada:** What spurred that on?

**existential crisis mode:** ummmm nothing i’m not scrolling through daishou-san’s totally aesthetic instagram page whattttt haha who said that

**omonaga-kun:** no one

**shiba inu xD:** he’s got a nice green/black/gold thing goin on

**the shookening™:** but have you seen terushima-senpai’s comments on his pics lmaoooooo

**?????:** THOSE R INCREDIBLE

**kewlest:** i like that one pic they took together and terushima-san commented ‘ohhh who’s that hottie on the left’

**kewlest:** and he was the one on the left

**turnup:** ‘go comment that shit on my spam u fuqboi ur ruining my aesthetic’

**shiba inu xD:** then kuroo-san on that one pic of him and idk his setter or smth after they got their nails done

**?????:** ‘u better not hurt my son with those claws i’ll rip ur throat out’

**gucci not prada:** ‘gtfo tetsu’

**?????:** ‘no one will find ur body snek’

**kewlest:** guys with that haircut have a 169% chance of stealing your girl then calling the cops because you ‘threatened’ them

**existential crisis mode:** y’all know what the funniest vine rn is?

**turnup:** what

**existential crisis mode:** DAMMMNNNN DANIEL

**shiba inu xD:** okay but you know what’s even funnier

**shiba inu xD:** DEEZ NUTS

**omonaga-kun:** they should collab

**the shookening™:** name a more iconic duo i’ll wait

**kewlest:** you guys disgust me honestly

**kewlest:** like your so gross

**omonaga-kun:** *you’re

**kewlest:** gordon ramsay voice FUCK OFF

**existential crisis mode:** daddy

**?????:** that reminds me

**?????:** do any of u know miya atsumu

**gucci not prada:** Oh he’s friends with Tobio! 

**gucci not prada:** He’s a setter, right?

**?????:** ya hes in our setter chat

**?????:** he reminds me of futakuchi-senpai!!!!

**gucci not prada:** Tobio does say he’s really provocative.

**gucci not prada:** Sort of like Oikawa but more carefree and probably a little meaner?

**?????:** and hes pretty!!!

**existential crisis mode:** WOW

**the shookening™:** DAMN KOGANE U WILD

**?????:** wdym????

**turnup:** aren’t you dating your libero?

**?????:** ya but everyone else in our setter chat is soooooooooooooooo pretty!!!! like u cant deny it!!!!!

**?????:** LIKE IM SO HAPPY THEY ACKNOWLEDGE MY EXISTENCE

**the shookening™:** futamata-senpai is in that chat, right?

**?????:** YA SHIRABU-SAN ADDED HIM

**kewlest:** what a legend

**kewlest:** i bet he said something along the lines of ‘my body is a temple that only this man is allowed to enter’ and then added him

**kewlest:** cue semi-senpai nearly exploding and proceeding to threaten futamata-san

**turnup:** semi-san obviously doesn’t know about futamata takeharu’s harem

**existential crisis mode:** literally  _ everyone  _ in his year knows who he is it’s wild

**?????:** WAAAAAA GOSHIKI HOW DID U KNOW THAT!?!?!?!!?!?

**kewlest:** it’s typical

**turnup:** goshiki has been studying shirabu-san’s behavior for years

**kewlest:** he has nice bushes

**gucci not prada:** You guys should go to sleep, it’s late.

**gucci not prada:** I’m sure that you all have practice tomorrow, don’t you?

**existential crisis mode:** yes mom

**kewlest:** BUT I’M NOT EVEN TIRED

**the shookening™:** read ✓ 10:37 PM


	3. volleyball? in MY chatfic? it's more likely than you think!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> actual volleyball playing, we learn kuguri's relationship background (sorta), funny senpai stories, and these bbys get a squad name <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys <3
> 
> back with chapter 3!!! things are gonna start heating up soon with maybe even a lil (dare i say it) plot
> 
> i hope you guys like this chapter!! kudos and comment if you do, and thanks for all the support so far! love y'all <3

**kewlest:** GUESS WHAT DAY IT IS TOMORROOWWWWWW

**turnup:** saturday

**kewlest:** YOUR ALWAYS KILLING MY VIBE AND I DON’T APPRECIATE IT

**omonaga-kun:** *you’re

**kewlest:** I WILL DECK YOU

**gucci not prada:** It’s the Inter-High qualifiers!!

**kewlest:** he was there for me when no one else was

**shiba inu xD:** so all of you will be hanging out and us tokyo folk will be left alone ;((

**the shookening™:** don’t you guys see each other like all the time????

**existential crisis mode:** no maybe yes shut up

**?????:** futakuchi-senpai told me that tokyo captains are always pretty close!!!!

**omonaga-kun:** we bond over the quickness of city life

**existential crisis mode:** i met inuoka in a jail cell after we had a gang fight

**shiba inu xD:** that was wild

**?????:** REALLY??!?!?!??!?

**turnup:** they’re joking, kogane.

**kewlest:** you’re way too gullible

**the shookening™:** if you say volleyball really slowly it sounds like gullible

**kewlest:** FUCK YOU I FELL FOR THAT

**the shookening™:** ;)

**gucci not prada:** I can’t wait to see you guys!!

**the shookening™:** it’s gonna be CRAZY

**the shookening™:** *dabs w a lot of feeling*

**omonaga-kun:** delete your account forever thank

**existential crisis mode:** dabbing was cool two years ago yet i still do it

**omonaga-kun:** get out of my life i never want to see you again

**omonaga-kun:** i’m kicking you out you can come tomorrow to get your things

**existential crisis mode:** no bby please i can change

**shiba inu xD:** let it go man

**kewlest:** that was dramatic

**gucci not prada:** Shouldn’t you all be practicing?

**turnup:** shouldn’t you shut up?

**?????:** dang

**kewlest:** sick burns m8

**the shookening™:** airhorn plays in the distance

**gucci not prada:** I take it back, I don’t want to see you guys tomorrow

**shiba inu xD:** mmmmm whatcha saaaayyyyy

**omonaga-kun:** no. no. absolutely not. i will find you and will dispose of your worthless body, then you’ll end up in the pits of hell where scum like you belong. don’t look at, talk to, or think of me ever again. you’re officially out of my life and are of no use to me anymore. i don’t care how much you apologize or struggle i’m taking you out, one way or another. try and fight or escape but i will always find you, again and again, until you are erased from the face of this earth and permanently in damnation in the fiery pits of hell.

**kewlest:** yeah screenshotting

^^^

**existential crisis mode:** lmao goshiki on your story it looks like kindaichi is sucking your dick

**kewlest:** THATS WHAT MY FRIEND AKAKURA SAID

**kewlest:** i replied with ‘he is’

**existential crisis mode:** wild

**kewlest:** i can see ushijima-senpai from afar

**kewlest:** he is here

**shiba inu xD:** lord jesus get my boy some holy water

**kewlest:** that was my birthday present from shirabu-senpai

**kewlest:** it’s cool tho i got him aoba johsai merch for his birthday

**shiba inu xD:** wtf i want aoba johsai merch?????

**the shookening™:** heLP IM BEING MOLESTED

**gucci not prada:** I think I can see you!

**gucci not prada:** Is Terushima-san hugging you?

**the shookening™:** HE IS EXPELLING MY DEMONS

**the shookening™:** AND THEY DONT WANNA LEAVE

**existential crisis mode:** i can’t drown my demons they know how to swim

**kewlest:** okay brb gotta start shit w hinata

^^^

Goshiki slowly tries to detach himself from the two Seijoh third years that are laying on him, but to no avail. Kunimi is resting their head on his shoulder, snoozing away, and Kindaichi has his head in Goshiki’s lap. He had already posted a picture on snapchat, captioned ‘mah boys’, so he obviously had no use for them anymore, meaning they could get the hell off of him.

Still, he didn’t want to wake them up. That would be rude.

“Well, well, well. So the rumors are true.” It’s an all too familiar voice, and Goshiki snaps his head up with a smile. 

“Taichi!”

Kawanishi gives a small smile back at the sight, Goshiki with sparkling eyes and holding his arms out for a hug. Goshiki all but shoves Kindaichi off of his lap, and it turns out that the Seijoh captain hadn’t actually been sleeping, as he mutters ‘parkour’ as he falls. He wraps his arms around his boyfriend excitedly, practically vibrating with energy. 

“I’m so  _ pumped!  _ I’m totally takin’ us to Nationals this time around, those  _ motherfluffers  _ won’t know what hit ‘em!”

“You are all kinds of embarrassing,” Kindaichi comments from his spot on the floor. “Get off the floor, you nasty ass ratchet hoe, you’ll get an STD,” Goshiki snaps, completely changing attitudes before smiling back at Kawanishi with an innocent expression. Kindaichi scrambles up from the ground, scooting next to Kunimi to let them rest their head on his shoulder.

“Hey, Goshiki!”

_ “You,”  _ the Shiratorizawa captain hisses. Yamaguchi simply laughs in response, covering his mouth with his hand. “When  _ the hell  _ did you get so attractive?” 

“At least he’s not rockin’ the same old haircut, like  _ someone else  _ that I know,” Kindaichi whispers. Goshiki ignores him. 

“I don’t need this negativity in my life;  _ I  _ have hot boyfriend.”

“I’m sure Tsukki is around here somewhere.”

“I prefer the term ‘significant other’.”

Goshiki pouts. “What the hell, where’s Ren when you need ‘im? He’s the only one single enough to make me feel better about myself,” he says. Yamaguchi smiles. “ _ Arakida-kun  _ is over there, giving his team a pep talk. Wait, no, Kuribayashi-kun has taken over,” he explains, looking to his left to observe the trainwreck of Johzenji. “Wow, I remember a couple years ago, when she looked too scared to even think of managing that team.”

“Like Yachi-san,” Kindaichi mutters. “She was practically shaking when I first saw her. Now, she’s -”

_ “Tadashi,  _ get back over here! You have a team to captain!”

Yamaguchi jumps, practically sprinting back over to Karasuno. Kindaichi laughs. “Now, she’s much more confident.” 

“Who are you playin’ first?” Goshiki asks. “Wakunan,” Kindaichi replies, “you?” 

“Kakugawa. Can’t wait to see how good Hyakuzawa-kun has gotten,” Goshiki says. “I honestly wanna play him. Lose for me?” “In your wildest dreams, honey. See you in the finals, can’t wait to crush your spirit~!” He takes Kawanishi’s hand and turns to walk away. 

“He is scarily similar to Tendou-san,” Kunimi mutters, their eyes still shut. Kindaichi laughs. “Yeah,” he says fondly. Kunimi opens one eye, just to look at their boyfriend’s face, before dismissing it and settling back into his shoulder. 

_ “You haven’t called me at all, you ungrateful little shit!” _

“Oh, looks like the Dateko graduates are here,” Kindaichi mumbles. Kunimi lets out a small laugh.

^^^

**existential crisis mode:** they’ve betrayed us

**existential crisis mode:** do you think we even exist to them any more

**shiba inu xD:** probably not ;’’’(

**omonaga-kun:** so offended rn

**gucci not prada:** We didn’t abandon you guys!!!

**existential crisis mode:** oh yams how’s volleyball things

**gucci not prada:** Well Karasuno is going to the quarterfinals, which is tomorrow! We’re playing Dateko!

**shiba inu xD:** gaps

**omonaga-kun:** guys get off of your phones

**existential crisis mode:** right sorry babe

**shiba inu xD:** yeah sorry

**gucci not prada:** Are you guys hanging out?

**existential crisis mode:** yeah we’re on a date

**shiba inu xD:** it’s not a date

**omonaga-kun:** yeah man it’s

**omonaga-kun:** bruhnch

**gucci not prada:** That joke only makes sense written down

**omonaga-kun:** yamaguchi’s right

**shiba inu xD:** LIKE ALWAYS

**existential crisis mode:** k bye miyagi folk we out

**the shookening™:** THANK GOD i thought they’d never leave

**turnup:** they’re too loud for my rural tastes

**kewlest:** i’m muting u

**kewlest:** unfollowing u on all social media

**kewlest:** and ending our streak on sc

**turnup:** GET OVER IT

**the shookening™:** lmao why the salt you’re both heading to the quarterfinals

**?????:** WHAT HAPPENDE

**gucci not prada:** They weren’t in the same pool so they felt like they were lacking trash talk. Between matches, Kindaichi would call Goshiki really nostalgic names.

**kewlest:** HE CALLED ME LIL BOWL CUT I NEARLY CRIED

**kewlest:** THEN HE STARTED CALLING ME “TSUTOMU-KUN~”

**kewlest:** THEN HE CALLED ME BITCHBABY

**kewlest:** I VE NEVER MISSED SEMI-SENPAI MORE IN MY LIFE

**the shookening™:** IM POISSING MYSLEF OMG 

**?????:** semi-san always seemd really nice tho??????

**kewlest:** HE WAS

**kewlest:** SOJVNSOUCB I MISS THEMALLLLLLL

**?????:** i dont understand

**gucci not prada:** None of us do. Just go with it.

**?????:** ok

**the shookening™:** i hope the tokyo captains threeway date is going well

**turnup:** same

**?????:** wait so inu is dating his libero right????

**gucci not prada:** Yeah, Shibayama-kun. He’s really nice.

**the shookening™:** terushima-senpai told me that daishou-san got kuguri a boyfriend in his first year

**turnup:** if i’ve heard oikawa’s gossip right he’s on the baseball team or smth

**gucci not prada:** Daichi-san told me that he’s like a twink

**?????:** moniwa-senpai said he’s super similar to daishou-san

**kewlest:** yes i know much about kuguri’s boyfriend as well

**turnup:** i bet ushijima-san never told you anything did he

**kewlest:** no

**?????:** i wanna meet him!! he sounds nice!!!

**existential crisis mode:** WOW I LEAVE FOR 20 MINUTES

**turnup:** oh hey kuguri

**existential crisis mode:** this is a fine how do you do

**existential crisis mode:** me and anda broke up awhile ago just so you know

**shiba inu xD:** after your six other breakups and make ups

**existential crisis mode:** okAY WOW

**existential crisis mode:** FAM

**existential crisis mode:** I TOLD YOU THAT

**existential crisis mode:** IN CONFIDENCE

**existential crisis mode:** DO PROMISES MEAN NOTHING TO YOU

**shiba inu xD:** FUCK IM SORRY 

**shiba inu xD:** PLZ FORGIVE ME I FORGOT WE PINKY SWORE ON IT

**omonaga-kun:** they have an endless on and off relationship

**the shookening™:** interesting

**the shookening™:** so our little hebi-chan is single~?

**omonaga-kun:** shIT REN U WILD

**shiba inu xD:** I’VE NEVER SEEN HIM SO RED OMG

**turnup:** he wants the booty

**kewlest:** gross delete your life

**turnup:** hbu delete your stupid face bitchbaby

**kewlest:** wow right in the feelings

**kewlest:** thanks now i’m sad again

**turnup:** sorry i’ll buy you ice cream

**kewlest:** thx we’re cool now

**?????:** im confused

**the shookening™:** that’s new and exciting

**?????:** so ren r u dating anybody or?????

**the shookening™:** not atm

**the shookening™:** but i’m gynoromantic

**the shookening™:** it’s where i’m attracted to really feminine guys and really feminine girls or just really feminine people in general

**turnup:** like only romantically or?

**the shookening™:** nah sexually too but i don’t really know the word

**the shookening™:** i wanna say gynosexual but that’s just to women i think?? idk i just like people who are super feminine

**the shookening™:** so sort of like bisexual or pansexual but leaning more to traditional femininity

**turnup:** have you mostly dated girls?

**the shookening™:** yeah

**turnup:** that’s cool

**gucci not prada:** Fun fact I had the biggest crush on Hitoka in our first year and it consisted on the basis of us being nervous about everything

**gucci not prada:** Once she called me and we just screamed for a solid five minutes before hanging up

**turnup:** last year we were at practice and iwaizumi-san was helping akira with their spiking form and oikawa-san came up behind him and like wrapped his arms around his waist and iwaizumi-san fucking headbutted him then oikawa-san cried and iwaizumi-san kissed it better i sobb

**kewlest:** tendou-senpai played mark cohen in our school’s production of rent and we all went to support him and semi-senpai cried with me as we lip synced to ‘i’ll cover you’

**existential crisis mode:** hiroo-san locked himself in the bathroom, painted his lips black, and listened to linkin park at a training camp when yaku-san wouldn’t talk to him

**omonaga-kun:** bokuto-san once accidentally ate a pot brownie and it was the funniest shit, you could hear him yelling “ALVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINN” from three rooms away

**shiba inu xD:** fukunaga-san once sang love story by taylor swift at the top of his lungs until konoha-san acknowledged him

**?????:** moniwa-san once pretended to pass out so that kamasaki-san and futakuchi-senpai would stop trying to fight everyone

**the shookening™:** oh i see, you guys wanna have a funny-senpai-story fight

**the shookening™:** what you all seem to forget is that not only am i on the party team, but i had FUTAMATA TAKEHARU as a senpai for 2 years

**the shookening™:** we don’t have practice on wednesdays or sunday mornings so futamata-senpai, bobata-senpai, and terushima-senpai saw this as the perfect opportunity to join a christian choir. they were in it for about a month before they quit because the priest did a short sermon about how gays are an abomination. they literally walked right out of the church in the middle of mass. “i’m totally keepin the robe tho” -- terushima yuuji

**the shookening™:** futamata-senpai asked izaka-senpai for 500 yen and izaka-senpai goes ‘what am i your sugar daddy’ and futamata-senpai said ‘i mean if you wanna be’ and for about 3 months izaka-senpai was literally his sugar daddy. he’d buy him all his food and stuff when we went out and futamata-senpai may or may not have been sucking his dick, the jury is still out on that one. they stopped when he ran out of money lmao 

**the shookening™:** terushima-senpai and bobata-senpai were friends since they were little so we frequently have movie nights where we just watch their old baby videos. the most usual occurrence is either terushima-senpai being naked or bobata-senpai with noodles on his head 

**the shookening™:** i have so many more if you wanna fight

**kewlest:** ren pullin out the RECEIPTS

**turnup:** those were beautiful stories and i feel more emotionally connected to you

**gucci not prada:** God I love Futamata Takeharu

**?????:** SAMEE

**existential crisis mode:** i have come to a realization

**shiba inu xD:** sounds lit tell us

**existential crisis mode:** so the first gen captains or whatever, they’re literally dads

**kewlest:** WEIRD BUT TRU TBH

**omonaga-kun:** bokuto-san was voted both team dad and team baby at their last practice a couple years ago

**existential crisis mode:** and last year’s group of captains, they were all pretty boys and literal salt shakers. you’d wanna take them home to your parents

**?????:** my parents luv futakuchi-senpai!!!!!

**the shookening™:** terushima-senpai would hit on your mom and your dad 

**existential crisis mode:** so it got me to thinking… what does that make us?

**turnup:** sexy

**the shookening™:** zak bagan’s disciples

**omonaga-kun:** we are

**gucci not prada:** What?

**omonaga-kun:** memers

**omonaga-kun:** with nothing else in common

**omonaga-kun:** a ragtag group of memers

**shiba inu xD:** THATS BEAUTIFUL I LOVE THAT SOCBOAUBC

**shiba inu xD:** WHY AM I SUDDENLY SO HAPPY OMG

**_kewlest has changed the chat name to_ ** **_a ragtag group of memers_ ** **_._ **

**turnup:** i call being the pretty one

**kewlest:** fuck you bitch its obviously yamaguchi

**gucci not prada:** Thanks Goshiki!

**kewlest:** i’ve been acknowledged

**existential crisis mode:** <https://www.dailydot.com/wp-content/uploads/228/6f/ab64a69d4cd848bad23ed0f9190a91eb.jpg>

**kewlest:** i will actually drop kick your snake ass

**shiba inu xD:** lmao u wild.. but wyd? ;)

**?????:** this is a huge mess and i love it 


	4. shit yamaguchi can you personally kick my ass?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> terushima is actually the kazoo kid, ren and kogane are too close at this point, nohebi x karasuno best friendship uwu, yamaguchi sacrifices himself for kuguri's aesthetic, and we introduce tHe PrEtTiEsT sEtTeR

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys!!
> 
> there's a few formatting issues here so just ignore the odd spaces ahhhh
> 
> but other than that i hope you enjoy this!! ily <3

**the shookening™:** IM PISSIGN MYSELF

  
**the shookening™:** OUR OLD UPPERCLASSMEN CAME TO VISIT US

  
**the shookening™:** ANd we’re all havin a great time yknow

**the shookening™:** just chillin maxin out relaxin out

**the shookening™:** and higashiyama-senpai suddenly goes

**the shookening™:** “hey guys did u know that yuuji is actually the kazoo kid”

**the shookening™:** TERUSHIMA-SENPAI FUCKING FLIPPED IT WAS HILARUIOUS

**the shookening™:** SO RUNA CAME IN WHILE WE WERE ALL LAUGHING

**the shookening™:** AND TERUSHIMA-SENPAI GOES “YOWCH” WITH HIS SHOULDER AS HE TURNS AROUND AND SAYS “oh hi” TO RUNA

**the shookening™:** THEN HE SAYS 

**the shookening™:** “wait a minute…. who ARE you?”

**the shookening™:** AND RUNA DECKED HIM SO FUCKING HARD

**the shookening™:** LIKE LITERALLY PUNCHED HIM SHE HATES STALE MEMES

**the shookening™:** i mean she apologized right after

**the shookening™:** i then asked her to be my bestest friend forever with a ring pop anD SHE SAID YES AND FUCKING JUMPED INTO MY ARMS IT WAS THE BEST

**gucci not prada:** That was wild from start to finish.

**shiba inu xD:** yamaguchi don’t you have CLASSES

**gucci not prada:** Don’t you?

**shiba inu xD:** well shit goof one

**shiba inu xD:** goof okay sou sure

**shiba inu xD:** god i’m such a dumb bitch bye

**gucci not prada:** DON’T SAY THAT ABOUT YOURSELF

  
**gucci not prada:** YOU’RE  _ VERY  _ SMART AND IF I EVER HEAR YOU TALK SHIT ABOUT YOURSELF AGAIN I WILL TAKE A TRAIN TO TOKYO AND PERSONALLY KICK YOUR ASS

**shiba inu xD:** okay i’m sorry

**the shookening™:** shit yamaguchi can you personally kick my ass

**gucci not prada:** I’LL KICK YOUR ASS

**the shookening™:** thanks love you

**omonaga-kun:** hey funny story about upperclassmen akaashi-san actually loves bokuto-san a lot and isn’t constantly annoyed with him thanks for listening

**?????:** AWW

**the shookening™:** OMG ITS KOGANEGAWA KANJI

**?????:** OMG ITS ARAKIDA REN!!!!!!!1!1!

**the shookening™:** OMG I’VE MISSED YOU

**?????:** OMG IVE MISSED U TOO

**the shookening™:** WHAT’S GOIN ON FAM???

**omonaga-kun:** mom smokes in the car. jesus is okay with it but we can’t tell dad.

**?????:** she was a city girl

**?????:** forced to live a new life

**the shookening™:** btw the reception out here sucks

**gucci not prada:** What?

**?????:** looking for a friend

**omonaga-kun:** me

**the shookening™:** YOU CAN’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO

**?????:** (i am ur father)

**the shookening™:** I DON’T EVEN KNOW YOU

**the shookening™:** (why is that terushima-senpai and kuroo-san lmaooooo)

**shiba inu xD:** LMAOOOOO TRUEEEEEEE

**?????:** she found……. so much more

**the shookening™:** betcha she’s never even seen a horse before

**?????:** (oh yes i have)

**?????:** (......on tv)

**omonaga-kun:** shIT IM IN ALGEBRA AND I FUCKING SNORTED WHAT IS THIS

**?????:** now

**?????:** break free

**?????:** and find urself

**gucci not prada:** Did you mean: kurodai?

**the shookening™:** SHIT IT IS

**the shookening™:** FUCK KOGANE U SEEIN THIS SHIT

**?????:** NOW I CANT GET THE IMAGE OF SAWAMURA-SAN WITH A COWBOY HAT OUT OF MY HEAD

**?????:** ‘u saddle this horse up by yerself?’

**the shookening™:** THEN KUROO-SAN

**the shookening™:** ‘i’ll never tell ;)’

**omonaga-kun:** i don’t know what you guys were quoting but it made my life

**shiba inu xD:** the bond that johzenji and dateko have is fuckin legitness

**omonaga-kun:** just like our bond xxx

**?????:** OH also shiratori and seijoh actually get along well??????

**gucci not prada:** So that leaves Karasuno and

**gucci not prada:** Nohebi?

**the shookening™:** NUTTING what a great friendship

**omonaga-kun:** bonds of friendship thiccer than sawamura-san’s thighs

**gucci not prada:** Kuguri and I have never really interacted though?

**shiba inu xD:** he says he lowkey hates you

**gucci not prada:** WHY?

**the shookening™:** HE GON CATCH THESE HANDS

**?????:** cash me ousside how bow dah

**the shookening™:** hey kogane you see that window do me a favor and jump out of it

**?????:** k

**shiba inu xD:** stop making me want to get on a train and keep kogane from committing superslide

**the shookening™:** superslide

**shiba inu xD:** we’re staying on topic for once you dicknuggets

**the shookening™:** dicknuggets

**shiba inu xD:** so anyway he said it’s because you type with capital letters

**shiba inu xD:** but other than that you’re cool

**gucci not prada:** So he wants me to stop capitalizing? That’s it?

**shiba inu xD:** yeah pretty much

**gucci not prada:** okay

**the shookening™:** OH FUCK WHO’S THE NEW GUY

**the shookening™:** DAMN HE CUTE ANYONE GOT HIS NUMBER

**the shookening™:** TAPPIN THAT LIKE A POORLY EDITED MEME ON INSTAGRAM

**gucci not prada:** that makes no sense

**omonaga-kun:** omg he has a bf!1!!!!!1

**?????:** a step BACK

**the shookening™:** lmaooo legendary

**the shookening™:** and yams you can’t get caught cheating if you don’t cheat

**omonaga-kun:** can’t get hurt if you’re already dead inside

**shiba inu xD:** can’t lose the match if you don’t look at the scoreboard

**gucci not prada:** thanks for the advice guys

**shiba inu xD:** go live out your life as a child of jesus

**?????:** KUM BAI YA

^^^

**kewlest:** i can’t believe you guys quoted the entire trailer for flicka 2 wtf the fuck is wrong with you

^^^

**the shookening™:** introducing

**the shookening™:** the PRETTIEST setter

**the shookening™:** it

**the shookening™:** is

**the shookening™:** futamata takeharu

**?????:** SHOOT

  
**existential crisis mode:** brb nutting

**shiba inu xD:** have my babies

**the shookening™:** those all sounded super sarcastic

**?????:** i was serious

**existential crisis mode:** same

**shiba inu xD:** i don’t participate in what the kids call ‘jokes’

**the shookening™:** just checkin up on you guys to make sure nobody is smoking the devils grass in my christian neighborhood

**the shookening™:** i’ve already been monitoring your facebooks

**existential crisis mode:** so YOU’RE barbara at ‘soccer moms against drugs united’

**the shookening™:** i’m just doing my civic duty

**turnup:** KYAAAAAAA FUTAMATA-SAN~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**the shookening™:** alrighty he’s obviously on meth

**the shookening™:** i’m making a call to oikawa right away

**turnup:** i’m committing superslide

**the shookening™:** superslide

**the shookening™:** anyway

**the shookening™:** the reason i have blessed you all with my presence today is for one reason and one reason alone

**the shookening™:** who

**the shookening™:** would you

**the shookening™:** rather do

**the shookening™:** yuuji or kazuma

**the shookening™:** cuz they’re arguing again

**existential crisis mode:** they care about our opinions that much?

**shiba inu xD:** aww

**?????:** probably terushima-san???  i don’t really know bobata-san that well

**turnup:** DEFINITELY TERUSHIMA-SAN

**existential crisis mode:** but y’all have you considered: bobata-san

**gucci not prada:** probably terushima-san?

**gucci not prada:** also hi futamata-san!

**the shookening™:** ducky there’s my dashing boy

**kewlest:** I’M SAYING BOBATA-SAN FOR THE SOUL REASON THAT HE HAS KABE DON-ED SHIRABU-SENPAI BEFORE AND IT WAS REALLY NICE TO LOOK AT

**kewlest:** HE’S HONESTLY A REALLY HOT DUDE

**omonaga-kun:** bobata-san because even though he has the voice of a nasally teenager he has nice legs

**the shookening™:** who’s gonna be the tie breaker

**shiba inu xD:** i like them both?

**the shookening™:** i heard kazuma okay thanks guys bye

**?????:** legend

**existential crisis mode:** BABY COME BACK

**the shookening™:** jk i’m back i would never leave my children

**the shookening™:** so

**the shookening™:** is my precious ren-chan getting along with you all?

**?????:** ren is a bamf and my most favorite human/banana hybrid

**the shookening™:** WAIT

**the shookening™:** you’re on dateko right???

**the shookening™:** futakuchi’s kid?????

**?????:** sure

**the shookening™:** OOOHHH DAMN

**the shookening™:** I LOVE FUTAKUCHI HE’S SO FUN

**the shookening™:** LIKE I’VE NEVER MET A DANKER HUMAN BEING

**existential crisis mode:** futamata-san, i’m embarrassed for you.

**the shookening™:** NO BUT

**the shookening™:** WHEN WE HAD PRACTICE MATCHES AGAINST DATEKO

**the shookening™:** IT WAS SO FUNNY

**the shookening™:** HE’S A HILARIOUS PERSON TBH

**the shookening™:** lmao at our first match where he and yuuji were both captains they shook hands and yuuji came back with a satisfied expression and just said “yaoi hands”

**the shookening™:** and during the match he kept whispering things to katsumichi through the net and got him all flustered

**the shookening™:** good shit

**turnup:** nothing makes me feel more sexually fulfilled than having futamata-san in this chat with us

**existential crisis mode:** alright

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you haven't guessed yet i love futamata takeharu


	5. revamped nekoma-nohebi rivalry?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ren has a crush, i rant about terrible sex education programs, yamaguchi and kuguri grow closer, ren makes some PROGRESS, kuguri has many interests, and dRaMa!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oof hey y'all here's the drama i promised
> 
> it's getting h o t in here

**the shookening™:** guys help i’m

**the shookening™:** feeling

**kewlest:** o shit

**kewlest:** waddup

**omonaga-kun:** o nomo bromo

**turnup:** which feeling

**the shookening™:** good feelings

**the shookening™:** warm and fuzzy ones

**the shookening™:** the kinds that make me wanna rip out my stomach bc there’s obviously smth wrong with it

**gucci not prada:** what’s going on?

**existential crisis mode:** you don’t know how much more aesthetically pleased that makes me feel, yamaguchi

**gucci not prada:** i changed myself for you, bby

**the shookening™:** so i have a crush

**the shookening™:** on this girl

**the shookening™:** she’s super sweet and she’s in like all of runa’s classes so they’re pretty much besties

**the shookening™:** she makes me feel things

**turnup:** WHAT THE FRICK MAN TELL US EVERYTHING

**shiba inu xD:** YES YES YES YE SY EYS EYS

**the shookening™:** she’s just… perfect

**the shookening™:** like i can see a fully functioning relationship with her

**kewlest:** THAT’S SO PRECIOUS AWWWW

**the shookening™:** yeah haha

**the shookening™:** we’ve been talking more recently lately and we’re each others best friends on sc

**the shookening™:** and she’ll like spam my phone with snaps when she knows i’m in class but it’s so great to see them all like

**the shookening™:** whenever she talks i just want to listen

**the shookening™:** she’s gorgeous and so important in my life

**existential crisis mode:** fu c k

**gucci not prada:** WHATS HER NAME WHAT DOES SHE LOOK LIKE YOURE SO ADORABLE REN I WANNA RAISE YOU AS MY OWN

**the shookening™:** her name is fumiko kira, she’s in class 4 with runa and she has really long black hair and brown eyes

**the shookening™:** she’s so amazing i could talk to her all day

**turnup:** RENNNNNNNNNN

**?????:** OML THIS IS GREAT

**?????:** REN I AM SO PROUD OF U

**kewlest:** DUDDEEEEE GO FOR IT

**existential crisis mode:** yeah man ask her out

**shiba inu xD:** ew naoyasu you sound like a straight white boy

**the shookening™:** it’s nerve wracking, okay?

**the shookening™:** i just get so overwhelmed every time i see her

**the shookening™:** she’s so cute and she calls me ‘sunshine’ all the time

**the shookening™:** idk i just love her a lot

**turnup:** don’t worry, you could never mess up as much as i did

**kewlest:** lmao he was a cringefest

**turnup:** i was so nervous about asking akira out

**turnup:** but it’s okay i wasn’t as bad as goshiki

**kewlest:** DON’T YOU DARE TELL THEM ANYTHING HOE

**the shookening™:** well now i have to know

**turnup:** if you don’t tell them, i will~

**kewlest:** fine you dicknugget

**kewlest:** so this happened after taichi and i had been dating for like a couple months

**existential crisis mode:** SPICY

**kewlest:** we were sorta making out

**omonaga-kun:** how do you ‘sorta’ make out?

**shiba inu xD:** wataru wanna sorta make out with me

**omonaga-kun:** sorta

**kewlest:** then tendou-senpai walked in to taichi’s dorm and he saw and was like ‘wow okay’

**kewlest:** he and taichi exchanged middle blocker bants for a few minutes before tendou-senpai walked out

**kewlest:** as he was leaving he said ‘use protection~’

**turnup:** AND TELL THEM WHAT YOU SAID LMAOOOOOO

**kewlest:** i said

**kewlest:** being the poor, innocent, first year that i was

**kewlest:** ‘does he mean like a burglar alarm?’

**gucci not prada:** OHMYGOD

**shiba inu xD:** YOU ARE FOREVER MY SPIRIT ANIMAL GOSHIKI

**kewlest:** ALL OF YOU SHUT UP

**kewlest:** SHIRATORIZAWA’S SEX ED CLASSES ARE A JOKE

**kewlest:** I LEARNED ALL I KNOW FROM EITHER TENDOU-SENPAI OR SEMI-SENPAI

**kewlest:** ONCE THEY FOUND OUT TAICHI AND I WERE DATING THEY SHOWED US HORRIFYING PICTURES OF STI’S

**kewlest:** SHIRABU-SAN NEARLY PUKED

**turnup:** aoba johsai doesn’t teach us shit either

**turnup:** just like goshiki, i learned all the stuff through hanamaki-san and matsukawa-san

**omonaga-kun:** yeah, fukurodani goes kind of in depth with the repercussions, but my health teacher said she wasn’t allowed to tell us about birth control or condoms

**gucci not prada:** i fucking hate that they can’t tell us that, it’s bullshit

**existential crisis mode:** WHEN MAMAGUCHI SWEARS

**existential crisis mode:** you’re right, though. it sucks.

**?????:** ya, dateko doesn’t teach us anything either

**?????:** like my parents taught me all i needed to know when they found out kousuke and i were a thing

**?????:** i think they were just glad that i wouldn’t be getting a girl pregnant

**shiba inu xD:** nekoma is edgy so nearly everyone is doing everyone 

**shiba inu xD:** AND THE STAFF KNOWS THIS

**shiba inu xD:** BUT THEY CAN’T TEACH US HOW TO BE SAFE BECAUSE OF OUR ADMINISTRATION

**shiba inu xD:** A GIRL GOT PREGNANT IN MY SECOND YEAR

**shiba inu xD:** SHE NEARLY GOT KICKED OUT OF SCHOOL

**shiba inu xD:** IT’S BULLSHIT

**kewlest:** so ren the moral of the story is

**kewlest:** wrap it before you tap it

**turnup:** that got off topic real quick sorry about that

**the shookening™:** nah it’s fine guys lmao

**the shookening™:** probably not tapping anything for awhile tho??? i just want us to build a stable relationship first haha

**existential crisis mode:** shit you’re so chivalrous

**_kewlest has changed the shookening™’s name to_ ** **_white knight_ ** **_._ **

**white knight:** are you a s s u m i n g m y g e n d e r

**kewlest:** shirabu voice the only straight i am is a straight up bitch

**turnup:** yahaba voice i’m tough ambitious and i know what i want if that makes me a bitch okay

**shiba inu xD:** lego batman voice if you wanna make the world a better place take a look at yourself and make that change

**existential crisis mode:** when you ship lego characters together

**omonaga-kun:** the joker and batman?

**existential crisis mode:** THE JOKER AND BATMAN

**gucci not prada:** ever since we played shiratorizawa in my first year i’ve always thought that tendou-san was like harley quinn from suicide squad

**kewlest:** he actually dressed up as her for halloween that year

**kewlest:** here wait check this out

**kewlest:** _ [image attached] _

**existential crisis mode:** that is my favorite thing

**?????:** tbh i want that tattooed all over my body

**^^^**

**gucci not prada:** i HATE my LIFE

**existential crisis mode:** aw honey buns, what happened?

**gucci not prada:** so my mom is making me write like 7 scholarship essays

**gucci not prada:** I CAN’T BULLSHIT THAT MUCH ABOUT MYSELF

**gucci not prada:** i hate talking about myself. it’s literally the most annoying thing ever.

**gucci not prada:** i can’t write about myself, much leSS GET ‘approximately two pages’ ABOUT IT

**gucci not prada:** I HATE THIS

**gucci not prada:** I WANNA DIE

**gucci not prada:** MY BRAIN IS ABOUT TO EXPLODE

**existential crisis mode:** just use really big words, you can copy and paste things that are asking similar questions. don’t overthink it.

**gucci not prada:** BUT THAT’S THE ONLY THING I’M GOOD AT

**existential crisis mode:** are some of the scholarships for athletics?

**gucci not prada:** YEAH THAT’S ALL I DO

**existential crisis mode:** then just write a bunch of shit about volleyball, like it’s fun or whatever

**existential crisis mode:** you guys fucking won nationals when you were a first year, that’s something.

**gucci not prada:** SHIT YOU’RE RIGHT

**existential crisis mode:** then bullshit a bunch of ‘oh i’m apart of something special’ and they’ll give you the money

**gucci not prada:** THANKS KUGURI LOVE YOU

**existential crisis mode:** if i had a heart like a normal human being i would say i love you too

**existential crisis mode:** hey wataru i just accidentally ordered 3 pizzas come over

**omonaga-kun:** how do you

**omonaga-kun:** nvm

**omonaga-kun:** omw

^^^

**?????:** g u y s

**?????:** THIS IS NOT A DRILL

**?????:** so yall know that girl that ren has a crush on

**white knight:** NO KOGANE STOP

**?????:** yeah he asked her out and she said yes

**white knight:** WHY

**white knight:** DID YOU BETRAY 

**white knight:** THE PROMISES THAT WE HAD

**white knight:** i now have trust issues

**?????:** but u did!!

**white knight:** BUT DON’T TELL THESE GUYS

**?????:** y not???

**kewlest:** BARREL ROLLS IN

**turnup:** ARAKIDA RENNNNN

**existential crisis mode:** the fact that you two are so insync is honestly a little unsettling.

**kewlest:** YOU SHOULD SEE SHIRABU-SAN AND YAHABA-SAN

**turnup:** they’re like those weird twins from the shining

**shiba inu xD:** )

**shiba inu xD:** °)

**shiba inu xD:**  ͡°)

**shiba inu xD:** ʖ ͡°)

**shiba inu xD:**  ͜ʖ ͡°)

**shiba inu xD:** ° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**shiba inu xD:**  ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**shiba inu xD:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**shiba inu xD:** did someone say

**shiba inu xD:** twins

**omonaga-kun:** he’s been activated

**shiba inu xD:** like the

**shiba inu xD:** miya brothers

**gucci not prada:** why didn’t anyone stop him in the middle of his partial lenny faces

**existential crisis mode:** lol comment your name letter by letter without being interrupted!! ;)

**kewlest:** t

**kewlest:** s

**kewlest:** u

**kewlest:** t

**kewlest:** o

**kewlest:** m

**turnup:** blocked bitch

**kewlest:** u

**kewlest:** AHHHH FUCK YOUUU

**white knight:** 10 year old minecraft gamer voice troll

**existential crisis mode:** so ren

**existential crisis mode:** about this

**existential crisis mode:** date

**?????:** when the snakes got ur back

**existential crisis mode:** of course my lovely wall of a human being

**turnup:** the longer you look at that sentence the less sense it makes

**white knight:** it’s not even like an actual date

**white knight:** we’re seeing power rangers like

**kewlest:** at the movie theater

**kewlest:** you can

**kewlest:** make a move

**white knight:** like a groovy move?

**shiba inu xD:** you yawn then wrap your arm around her works like a charm

**gucci not prada:** ren this isn’t america in the 70’s

**gucci not prada:** and inu is right

**white knight:** i’m terrified though

**?????:** someone up his ego for me

**turnup:** if she seems to be leaning towards you then just go for it

**white knight:** but she’s like that with everyone

**white knight:** she’s a super cuddly person

**white knight:** her and runa’s legs are laced together more often than not

**white knight:** what if i make it weird i don’t want it to be weird

**shiba inu xD:** you can do it, ren!!!

**white knight:** hnnngnggghhh

**omonaga-kun:** listen

**omonaga-kun:** the fact that you’re worrying about this so much is adorable

**omonaga-kun:** and she’ll know that you really care

**omonaga-kun:** girls like knowing that kinda stuff

**kewlest:** yeah i also like knowing that stuff

**omonaga-kun:** well same obviously

**gucci not prada:** be yourself

**white knight:** no i wanna be kuguri

**existential crisis mode:** aww thank you

**_????? has changed white knight’s name to_ ** **_kuguri_ ** **_._ **

**kewlest:** this is how all the best episodes of criminal minds start

**kewlest:** i’m living

^^^

**kuguri:** i have this headcanon that terushima-senpai is a raging bisexual

**turnup:** you can’t call it a headcanon if it’s actually canon

**?????:** i have this hc that terushima-san, bobata-san, and futamata-san were the three most popular guys at johzenji and they sort of resembled the unholy trinity of quinn, santana, and brittany from glee

**kuguri:** OHMYGOD

**kuguri:** THE MOST ACCURATE KOGANE™

**?????:** bc lbr

**?????:** terushima-san is obviously quinn but more fun

**?????:** bobata-san is sassy as hell and doesn’t take any of terushima-san’s shit

**kuguri:** AND FUTAMATA-SAN IS THE DUMB ONE

**existential crisis mode:** brittany is not dumb, she’s one of the most advanced minds of our generation and is up at the same caliber as great minds like albert einstein and stephen hawking. fuck u, you insolent prick. brittany s. pierce is my entire world and i’ve been waiting until some fucktard like you called her dumb to release some actual knowledge on you, bitch. 

**kuguri:** wow christ

**omonaga-kun:** naoyasu is very passionate about the unholy trinity

**existential crisis mode:** glee is my life force

**gucci not prada:** kuguri seems to have many interests

**omonaga-kun:** don’t even bring up phichit chulanont without wanting an entire 8 page essay highlighting all his amazing features

**shiba inu xD:** if you talk about zayn leaving one direction he cries

**omonaga-kun:** the most movement i’ve ever seen him do is when ‘sign of the times’ by harry styles came on when we were driving to my house

**existential crisis mode:** okay you guys can stop now

**shiba inu xD:** once his boyfriend broke up with him because he has a body pillow with haru from free on it

**existential crisis mode:** sou i swear to god

**shiba inu xD:** he plays neko atsume religiously and when daishou-san found out he was almost skinned alive

**existential crisis mode:** thAT WAS ONE TIME

**shiba inu xD:** oh yeah how about that one time you tried to hit on yuuki by saying “you’re like the cute villager among ugly villagers in animal crossing”

**existential crisis mode:** OKAY I WAS DRUNK FOR THAT ONE

**shiba inu xD:** binch

**omonaga-kun:** exposed

**gucci not prada:** why kuguri???

**existential crisis mode:** i was intoxicated!!!!!!!

**shiba inu xD:** you also said “you make me harder than the ocarina of time master quest”

**turnup:** kuguri, i’m surprised at you

**existential crisis mode:** i was drunk i swear

**shiba inu xD:** were you though?

**shiba inu xD:** you had like one drink

**existential crisis mode:** dude where did this come from

**shiba inu xD:** it came from you flirting with my fucking boyfriend

**gucci not prada:** inuoka please calm down.

**shiba inu xD:** im not gonna fucking calm down yamaguchi

**existential crisis mode:** sou you know i’d never wanna be with yuuki, he’s cute but i know you guys are a thing

**shiba inu xD:** yknow what i don’t even care anymore

**shiba inu xD:** bye guys i gotta do some homework

**existential crisis mode:** fine it’s cool, thought you would trust me

**gucci not prada:** KUGURI

**shiba inu xD:** yeah i thought i could too

**_shiba inu xD has left_ ** **_a ragtag group of memers_ ** **_._ **

**gucci not prada:** guys… 

**_existential crisis mode has left_ ** **_a ragtag group of memers_ ** **_._ **

**turnup:** where did that come from?

**kewlest:** maybe the nekoma-nohebi thing?

**?????:** no neither of them r that petty

**kuguri:** have they ever fought before like that?

**kuguri:** onaga?

**omonaga-kun:** no

**omonaga-kun:** they’re best friends

**omonaga-kun:** they’ve never

**omonaga-kun:** i’ll… be back

**_omonaga-kun has left_ ** **_a ragtag group of memers_ ** **_._ **

**gucci not prada:** this is above my power

**gucci not prada:** i’m bringing in the troops i’ll report back later

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> is this a good cliffhanger


	6. hiss hiss bitch i heard someone is bein a cunt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yamaguchi calls in the troops, swearing and fluff ensue!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi here are the troops that i promised
> 
> just as a reminder:  
> Bokuto's babe = kuroo  
> sneaky snek = daishou
> 
> sorry this chapter is a little shorter than the rest, the next few will be longer and full of good memes i promise!!
> 
> i hope y'all enjoy this, this was one of my favorite chapters to write!! <3

**_gucci not prada has added_ ** **_Bokuto’s babe_ ** **_and_ ** **_sneaky snek_ ** **_to the chat._ **

**Bokuto’s babe:** why

**sneaky snek:** what

**Bokuto’s babe:** who

**gucci not prada:** Hi! I’m Yamaguchi Tadashi from Karasuno, I think you guys know Daichi-san! You guys were the captains of Nekoma and Nohebi a couple years back, right?

**sneaky snek:** yeah i was

**Bokuto’s babe:** don’t be such a lil bitch this is tsukki’s bf

**sneaky snek:** OH YEAH CUZ I KNOW WHO THAT IS

**Bokuto’s babe:** what’s up yamaguchi-kun?

**sneaky snek:** ooh my names kuroo testurou im so mature ooooh

**Bokuto’s babe:** ooh my name daishou suguru i cheat at volleyball and i think im cute i get rowdy during training camp oooohho

**sneaky snek:** no need to bring up my past im in a committed relationship

**gucci not prada:** Okay so listen we have a problem

**Bokuto’s babe:** ahh high school problems

**gucci not prada:** Inuoka-kun and Kuguri-kun got in a fight.

**Bokuto’s babe:** WHAT

**sneaky snek:** nao-kun doesn’t fight????

**sneaky snek:** or have emotions?????

**gucci not prada:** Apparently Kuguri-kun has been flirting with Shibayama-kun and Inuoka-kun is none too happy.

**Bokuto’s babe:** wow what a NOHEBI thing to do

**Bokuto’s babe:** RUIN A RELATIONSHIP BY FLIRTING WITH AN INNOCENT TINY LIBERO

**sneaky snek:** okay yknow what

**sneaky snek:** i may condone a lot of questionable things but cheating is not one of them

**sneaky snek:** so whats the plan here i yell at nao-kun slap him upside the head

**Bokuto’s babe:** i’ll try to make sou-kun actually listen to kuguri

**gucci not prada:** You guys are the best, thank you so much! They both left the chat and I think Onaga is really upset about it :(

**sneaky snek:** you’re so cute ahhhhhhh

**sneaky snek:** i can’t believe sawamura raised a child this adorableeee

**Bokuto’s babe:** we don’t want them to hate each other, that’s our thing

**sneaky snek:** no homo tho

**Bokuto’s babe:** i mean yeah of course

**sneaky snek:** not on M Y C H R I S T I A N C O U R T

**Bokuto’s babe:** why the s p a c e

**sneaky snek:** i was saying it slowly

**gucci not prada:** Can I ask you two something, if it’s alright?

**sneaky snek:** of course and you can take all my money too

**Bokuto’s babe:** take that deal he has a shit ton of money

**gucci not prada:** I’ve heard that you two really don’t like each other… but I don’t see it. You seem to get along alright.

**gucci not prada:** Are you guys friends or not?

**sneaky snek:** its…

**Bokuto’s babe:** kinda complicated

**sneaky snek:** don’t interrupt me

**Bokuto’s babe:** he’s infuriating don’t get me wrong

**sneaky snek:** watch urself ur not exactly a peach either

**Bokuto’s babe:** but we have an understanding

**sneaky snek:** unfortunately

**sneaky snek:** when we were in high school it was a lot worse, since we were always direct rivals. college is easier, though.

**Bokuto’s babe:** yeah he and i both keep our composure well but ill admit hes a bit better at it

**Bokuto’s babe:** it was agony, also i had to control my team’s composure too

**sneaky snek:** ahah fuckin nekoma

**Bokuto’s babe:** we’ve had more time to talk it out and now i see that hes slightly less terrible of a person

**sneaky snek:** you asked me to paint your nails

**Bokuto’s babe:** that was a secret

**sneaky snek:** dont worry yamaguchi-kun isnt gonna gossip to anyone besides the other captains

**Bokuto’s babe:** but my rep

**sneaky snek:** nonexistent at this point

**gucci not prada:** So… are you friends?

**sneaky snek:** being that with him makes me wanna vomit but i guess

**Bokuto’s babe:** from what ive heard you dont have a gag reflex

**sneaky snek:** giving your son “the talk” i see, make sure to check under his bed for the dirty magazines, also theres a private mode on his phone the password is “suguru”

**Bokuto’s babe:** wh

**sneaky snek:** enter at your own risk

**Bokuto’s babe:** yamaguchi-kun can you see my dilemma

**gucci not prada:** You guys seem to be close. I know I couldn’t have banter like this with someone who wasn’t a good friend.

**sneaky snek:** um

**Bokuto’s babe:** lets go talk to our kouhai

**sneaky snek:** dont tell me what to do u fuckin stupid

**Bokuto’s babe:** you can do whatever you want but im fixing this

**sneaky snek:** not before i do

**gucci not prada:** Thank you so much!

**Bokuto’s babe:** you are my child now yamaguchi-kun

**sneaky snek:** yknow what actually fuck you

**Bokuto’s babe:** i will destroy you and everything you stand for

**sneaky snek:** storms comin bitch be prepared

^^^

**Bokuto’s babe:** hey there champ care to talk with your old man for a bit

**shiba inu xD:** of course kuroo-san! what’s up?

**Bokuto’s babe:** just wanted to have a chat with my favorite little first year. also, guess who texted me

**shiba inu xD:** who??

**Bokuto’s babe:** your friend yamaguchi, from karasuno. sweetest kid, really

**shiba inu xD:** ohyeah yamaguchi is really sweet what did he talk to you about?

**Bokuto’s babe:** apparently you and your friend kuguri are in a fight

**Bokuto’s babe:** those snakes i tell ya

**shiba inu xD:** oh

**shiba inu xD:** yeah haha

**Bokuto’s babe:** care to talk to me about it?

**shiba inu xD:** i wouldnt want to bother you with this

**shiba inu xD:** i can work it out on my own

**Bokuto’s babe:** i dont mind

**shiba inu xD:** its just…

**shiba inu xD:** hes been super flirty with yuuki since our first year, and its been getting annoying lately. i havent brought it up for this long but it just gets to a point yknow. naoyasu is one of my best friends, ill admit, but yuuki and i have been dating for nearly 3 years, and weve told each other everything, so yeah now im really protective of him. i dont want to be overbearing, but…

**shiba inu xD:** you understand, dont you?

**Bokuto’s babe:** i understand the situation, ive gone through it too. do you know how pretty akaashi is??? and kenma too??? and how many people want bokutos arms or personality in their lives???

**Bokuto’s babe:** its infuriating, ill admit

**Bokuto’s babe:** but all those people? that want them like that? they’re strangers, ill never see them again

**Bokuto’s babe:** strangers dont have the decency or insight to realize someone is taken. but, closest friends do, because you tell them about it

**Bokuto’s babe:** is kuguri-kun someone you trust?

**shiba inu xD:** i think so

**Bokuto’s babe:** with shibayama-kun?

**shiba inu xD:** … not really

**Bokuto’s babe:** inuoka-kun, assess the situation

**Bokuto’s babe:** you and shibayama-kun have been dating for 3 years. that’s some unbreakable trust. do you really think that kuguri-kun would be the one to break it?

**shiba inu xD:** no, but what if yuuki got drunk or something like he could be taken advantage of

**Bokuto’s babe:** that’s the worst possible situation. and even if that did happen, you or lev would be there. and even if you weren’t, and kuguri-kun was, he wouldn’t try and do anything but help him. 

**shiba inu xD:** i love him more than anyone else, i cant lose him

**Bokuto’s babe:** anything thats meant to happen, will. being cautious of your closest friends is not a way to live, and itll only push shibayama-kun away

**shiba inu xD:** what do you think i should do?

**Bokuto’s babe:** be open to talking with him about it. stay calm and remember, he’s your best friend. he wont want to lose that.

**shiba inu xD:** how have i functioned without you for two years

**Bokuto’s babe:** that’s what im wondering . now go get him killer

**shiba inu xD:** that escalated fast do you want me to kill him

**Bokuto’s babe:** n

**Bokuto’s babe:** no

**shiba inu xD:** cool just makin sure

^^^

**sneaky snek:** hiss hiss bitch i heard someone is bein a cunt

**sneaky snek:** what happened to anda-kun i thought you two were working out

**existential crisis mode:** we were, until i realized i was dating my old captain.

**sneaky snek:** and whats the problem with that

**sneaky snek:** also dont use that passive aggressive prissy ass punctuation with me ill rip ur throat out

**existential crisis mode:** what’s got you so testy? terushima-san refusing to give you dick?

**sneaky snek:** okay ill let that one slide

**sneaky snek:** and im “so testy” because im pissed at you

**existential crisis mode:** what the hell did i do?

**sneaky snek:** ummmm??? flirt with inuoka-kun’s bf then have THE AUDACITY to be the one who gets angry at him???

**sneaky snek:** check ur ego first year

**existential crisis mode:** im a third year

**sneaky snek:** not how i know you

**sneaky snek:** where is this coming from?? why did you do it??

**existential crisis mode:** like ive told everyone else, i was drunk and yeah shibayama-kun is cute so maybe something slipped out that shouldnt have

**existential crisis mode:** sou KNOWS that i would never do that to him , at least i thought he did

**existential crisis mode:** but hey glad to find out he only sees me as my teams reputation haha

**sneaky snek:** you know damn well that is NOT what he was doing

**sneaky snek:** youre being ridiculous

**existential crisis mode:** _ i’m  _ being ridiculous??? daishou-san, he thinks he can’t trust me enough to believe me when i say that i would NEVER do anything like that with his boyfriend OF 3 YEARS. he’s the one who’s being ridiculous.

**sneaky snek:** would you trust him?

**existential crisis mode:** YES AND I DO HES MY BEST FRIEND

**existential crisis mode:** why wont he just believe me

**sneaky snek:** now weve reached the bottom of the rabbit hole

**sneaky snek:** you’re not angry, you’re hurt, aren’t you?

**existential crisis mode:** i guess

**existential crisis mode:** yeah, i am

**sneaky snek:** take a step back for me for a second, okay? look at it from his perspective

**existential crisis mode:** im trying, but i just dont understand. what have i ever done to make him not trust me?

**sneaky snek:** there’s a lot of factors that could play into it, i suppose

**existential crisis mode:** i know my reputation and i know its not good, but you have to believe me ive really tried to be a good friend to him

**sneaky snek:** and i do believe that. i understand the reputation thing. its not easy to get people to devote their trust in you

**existential crisis mode:** im a mess

**sneaky snek:** what do you mean?

**existential crisis mode:** i know it seems stupid but lately everything has been crashing down on me and its really stressful

**sneaky snek:** and its causing you to act out?

**existential crisis mode:** yeah

**sneaky snek:** i had that too, but you need to become aware . recognize the important people in your life and  _ let  _ them make you happy. spend time with them, make amends, whatever the fuck . itll fall into place

**existential crisis mode:** but what about sou?

**sneaky snek:** let him know how you feel. he’ll listen , and you guys will work it out.

**existential crisis mode:** are you sure?

**sneaky snek:** will you let it be any other way?

**existential crisis mode:** when did you get so philosophical

**sneaky snek:** im a psychology major and your situation isnt exactly complex

**existential crisis mode:** wow okay now im gonna cook up some real beef just to challenge you

**sneaky snek:** shit bring it on captain

^^^

Kuguri rolls the final cart of volleyballs into the supply closet with a sigh. It’s Friday, their final day of practice before the weekend, and he is fucking wiped out. He lets out a sigh.

“Long week, cap’n?”

Kuguri flinches at the voice, as it wasn’t one he was expecting. He turns around slowly and sees Inuoka there in his Nekoma sweatpants and jacket, arms crossed. Kuguri raises an eyebrow. 

“Uh, yeah, it was. What’re you doing here?” Kuguri asks. Inuoka laughs. “Are you surprised? Or… disappointed? Y’know, since Yuuki isn’t here?” Kuguri doesn’t show a reaction to that, like he does for most things. “Kuroo-senpai texted me. Apparently Yamaguchi -”

“Told him and Daishou-san that we were fighting,” Kuguri finishes, sitting down by his bag to change out of his volleyball shoes. “Daishou-san texted me, too. With a bit too many curse words, might I add.” 

“What’d he say?” Inuoka asks, taking a few steps closer to Kuguri. “Said a bunch of shit. He was good at reading people already, then becoming a psychology major? Too goddamn powerful, he’s gonna end up ruling the world,” the Nohebi captain responds. “Maybe the world could use Daishou Suguru in a skirt callin’ the shots, huh?” Inuoka says, sitting down next to Kuguri and folding his knees, then resting his elbows on them.

“Yeah, welcomed alternative, don’t ya think?” Kuguri hopes Inuoka hasn’t noticed that he hasn’t made eye contact with him since he walked in.

“So, the lack of eye contact. That shame, or you just officially hate me?” Good god he was better than Daishou.

“I don’t hate you,” Kuguri says, “that leaves shame, then, I guess?” 

Inuoka lets out a chuckle. “Nice deduction, Sherlock.” He looks down at his legs, fiddling with his fingers. “So, Yamaguchi…” Kuguri smiles. “Yeah. He’s worried about us. Those Miyagi teams really don’t like fights, huh?”

“I’m sorry for not trusting you, Naoyasu,” Inuoka says quickly. Kuguri falls silent. “You’re my best friend, I should never have -”

“Don’t you dare apologize.” Inuoka looks up at the sound of his voice. Kuguri lets out a mirthless laugh. “I’m… an asshole. I was one to you, I was one to Shibayama-kun - I never should’ve put either of you in that situation. I always talk about, y’know, not judging people by their reputations and shit, but then I just go ahead and run with mine. I stopped giving you reasons to trust me the second I said anything like that to Shibayama-kun. You’ll be an actual saint if you forgive me at this point.”

Inuoka stays quiet, a soft smile on his face. “Then call me Mother fuckin’ Teresa.”

Kuguri smiles back. Inuoka leans forward and gives him a hug, which the other boy reciprocates. 

“Thank  _ fuck! _ ”

They both jolt out of each other’s arms and turn to glare at Onaga who’s now standing in the doorway, a relieved smile on his face. 

“God, I thought your two gay asses would never make up.”

“How the fuck did you get in?” Kuguri asks, worried about the sanctity and security of his precious gym. “Had a key made ages ago; the members of Nohebi are so easily bribed. You should really get on that, captain, or else there’ll be a nest of owls all up in your crib soon. So, all’s good in paradise?”

Inuoka and Kuguri stare at the Fukurodani captain in silence for a few seconds before bursting into laughter. “God, I love this trio,” Inuoka mutters, and the other two most definitely agree.


	7. if one more person in this chat admits to doing drugs i am going to bust a nut

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the tokyo trio returns, they play "who would you rather do", we find out why terushima didn't add ren to the chat, everyone except yamaguchi and inuoka does drugs, kuguri has a tragic backstory, goshiki and kindaichi are plotting something, and why does goshiki have candles in his dorm room?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY GUYS
> 
> i just wanna put in a BIG warning here for mentioned drug use!! if that triggers you please be safe!!
> 
> also there's lots of mention of juuling (which is like a flavored e-cig that cOoL kIdS smoke) so yes again please be careful
> 
> i hope you enjoy this chapter and pLEASE DONT DO DRUGS

**_gucci not prada has added_ ** **_omonaga-kun_ ** **_,_ ** **_shiba inu xD_ ** **_, and_ ** **_existential crisis mode_ ** **_to_ ** **_a ragtag group of memers_ ** **_._ **

**?????:** how could u just L E A V E us like that

**kuguri:** all our rural mindsets clashed and we had no buffer!!!

**?????:** u also missed goshiki and kindaichi getting REALLY high

**kewlest:** its fall break which means return of the senpai

**kewlest:** tendousan has a l o t t a weed

**turnup:** i literally could not feel my eyelashes

**omonaga-kun:** can you usually feel them?

**turnup:** i have really nice eyelashes

**kewlest:** so spill the tea sisters

**shiba inu xD:** im gay and there will soon be a nest of owls taking refuge in nohebis gym

**existential crisis mode:** and thats that on THAT

**gucci not prada:** were daishou-san and kuroo-san nice about it?

**shiba inu xD:** duh!!

**existential crisis mode:** >sneaky snek, 9:47

_“hiss hiss bitch i heard someone is bein a cunt”_

**kewlest:** omigod legend

**turnup:** lets play a game

**kuguri:** is it smash or pass

**?????:** oh god i WISH

**turnup:** inspired by the skinny legend futamata takeharu

**turnup:** who would you rather do: daishou suguru or kuroo tetsurou?

**kewlest:** ok well is this like from our own perspective or a collective perspective from like a representative

**turnup:** lets say personal for this one

**gucci not prada:** so in what way would this ‘doing’ occur? y’know, romantically, aggressively, let’s get some context.

**turnup:** here’s your context: it’s a late night, you get back from a long day of practice, totally tuckered out. whoever you choose is in a mood, they just had a bad day and wanna forget about it.

**kuguri:** why s this wattpad

**shiba inu xD:** as a self-proclaimed dom and the fact that being anything other than kuroo-sans court son makes me extremely uncomfortable, im gonna have to say daishou-san

**existential crisis mode:** are you on shrooms

**existential crisis mode:** you dont know daishousan like i do, hes a really great person but hes admittedly 1) very high maintenance 2) kinda a brat and 3)

**shiba inu xD:** daishou-san killed him before he could finish

**gucci not prada:** tbh i would have to say kuroo-san

**gucci not prada:** tsukki and him got really close and ngl i would let him quick spike a volleyball into my nose

**kuguri:** respect

**kuguri:** terushima-san would kill me for wanting to fuck his bf b u t

**kuguri:** t h a t s n e v e r s t o p p e d m e b e f o r e

**kewlest:** wanna have a lil three-way ren??

**kuguri:** i know that you already know the answer to that

**?????:** i think theyre both great!!!!!

**omonaga-kun:** im highkey gonna say daishou-san

**existential crisis mode:** this is toxic masculinity

**existential crisis mode:** this is why we need feminism

**shiba inu xD:** youre just protective bc you actually care about him but you dont wanna admit it

**kuguri:** shit inu leave him with some dignity

**existential crisis mode:** i am not gay

**?????:** no one said that u were

**omonaga-kun:** you literally have had a bf for 3 years

**existential crisis mode:** this is blasphemy

**existential crisis mode:** if you inslut the king then you get beheaded

**gucci not prada:** i n s l u t

**kewlest:** we should all get together one day and play cards against humanity

**turnup:** YES

**?????:** i played that first yr!!!

**?????:** surprisingly moniwa-senpai was RLY good at it

**kuguri:** once i ate one of the cards on a dare and i havent seen the color blue since

**kewlest:** w h a t

**omonaga-kun:** how are you even alive rn

**existential crisis mode:** legend has it its still in his stomach to this day

**turnup:** which card was it?

**kuguri:** a homoerotic volleyball montage

**kewlest:** THATS THE BEST ONE THO

**kuguri:** and?

**kewlest:** you terrify me in the pit of my soul

**existential crisis mode:** you guys know what fucks me up

**?????:** what

**existential crisis mode:** the fact that terushima-san made this chat but didnt add ren

**gucci not prada:** I LITERALLY AM AWAKE AT 3 AM THINKING ABOUT THAT

**kuguri:** oh ya i think he was scared of me

**kewlest:** WH-

**kuguri:** ya idk why

**?????:** maybe it was bc u were 16 and had a nicotine addiction

**kuguri:** and depression

**?????:** but u werent scared to show it

**existential crisis mode:** wow whatta mood

**turnup:** im sobbing imagine flexing your juul and self-destrcutive tendencies so much that you scare your upperclassmen

**kuguri:** i kicked it tho

**kuguri:** dont do drugs kids

**?????:** ya u only do maryjuana now

**shiba inu xD:** kogane your spellcheck does maryjauan

**shiba inu xD:** **maryjuana

**shiba inu xD:** ** MARIJUANA

**omonaga-kun:** so does yours, apparently

**shiba inu xD:** hN

**kuguri:** imagine being happy and not having to do drugs

**existential crisis mode:** WHAT A CONCEPT

**gucci not prada:** YOU GUYS WORRY ME DO I HAVE TO CONTACT MORE EX-SENPAIS

**kuguri:** text terushima-san i w a n t you to text him

**existential crisis mode:** dw yama anda stole my juul last year

**existential crisis mode:** to this day i dont know what he did with it and hoenstly im too lazy to buy another one

**kewlest:** tendou-sans my weed guy

**turnup:** hanamaki-san is mine

**gucci not prada:** AM I THE ONLY ONE HERE WHO DOESNT DO DRUGS

**gucci not prada:** AM I THE ONLY ONE HERE WHO LISTENS TO MY PARENTS

**gucci not prada:** AM I THE ONLY ONE HERE WHO FOLLOWS T H E L A W

**kuguri:** technically if you order the juul online its not illegal

**kuguri:** and thats just a fun lil fact for ya

**shiba inu xD:** yamamama i dont do drugs

**gucci not prada:** THANK YOU

**turnup:** yAmAmAmA?

**_kewlest has changed_ ** **_gucci not prada_ ** **_’s name to_ ** **_yamamama_ ** **_._ **

**yamamama:** this is a cursed image.

**kewlest:** sksksksks

**omonaga-kun:** yamamama i also do not do drugs

**existential crisis mode:** (anymore)

**yamamama:** its the growth that counts

**omonaga-kun:** ok naoyasu i caught akaashi-san smoking a blunt ONCE and i decided to take a hit

**turnup:** i cannot imagine fukurodani ex-senpai and drugs mixing well

**omonaga-kun:** ohmygod you are so right

**kewlest:** i think what scares me the most is the fact that kogane disappeared after misspelling marijuana

**kuguri:** is he ok

**yamamama:** KOGANE ARE YOU OK

**yamamama:** i swear if one more person in this chat admits to doing drugs i am going to bust a nut

**kuguri:** oh god i wanna see that

**yamamama:** no you dont

**yamamama:** i am worrying about all of you

**turnup:** dont worryyyyyy

**turnup:** personally i only do it when hanamaki-san and matsukawa-san come back from college, cuz i dont wanna get into trouble or anything without one of them there

**kewlest:** ya same here

**kewlest:** i know tendou-san and semi-san would N E V E R let me get hurt so i trust them with my intoxicated self

**kuguri:** its once in a blue moon that i do it

**kuguri:** runa is there when i do she doesnt let me do anything too stupid

**kuguri:** unless its funny and will make for a good story to tell our children when we’re older

**yamamama:** don’t you have a gf?

**kuguri:** since runa is a lesbian she’ll be our children’s second mom

**yamamama:** i see

**existential crisis mode:** yama i promise you right now at this moment, i would never get myself hurt or risk anything when it comes to stuff like that

**existential crisis mode:** last year was really rough for me and i told myself im never gonna go back to it

**yamamama:** what?

**existential crisis mode:** let’s just say that anda stealing my juul after the last time we broke up was a blessing in disguise

**existential crisis mode:** sou and wataru helped me get my grades back up and my life back on track fr

**omonaga-kun:** and i’d do it again xxx

**shiba inu xD:** aww it was nothin babe

**yamamama:** i’m glad that you’re better now, kuguri

**kewlest:** <3

**existential crisis mode:** thanks yall haha i dont like talking about it but i thought you guys should know

**existential crisis mode:** tbh if it wasn’t for sou and wataru, i wouldn’t be in this chat rn

**existential crisis mode:** i almost failed off the team

**shiba inu xD:** seguro-san was really worried about him

**omonaga-kun:** he told akaashi-san who mentioned it to me cuz he knew naoyasu and i were friends

**existential crisis mode:** yall i have a big boner in my heart for you guys rn <3

**turnup:** MY KINK IS FRIENDS HELPING FRIENDS THROUGH TOUGH SITUATIONS

**kewlest:** ok that’s it

**kewlest:** yuutarou

**turnup:** yes sweetness

**kewlest:** i think its time

**turnup:** REALLY

**kewlest:** yes

**turnup:** OMG BLESS UP

**kuguri:** time for what?

**turnup:** HNNNNNN

**shiba inu xD:** this had better be good kindaichi is literally about to bust a nut

**existential crisis mode:** this is sparking an emotion inside me i didn’t know i had

**omonaga-kun:** arousal?

**existential crisis mode:** n

**existential crisis mode:** no

**existential crisis mode:** anticipation

**yamamama:** same diff

**_a ragtag group of memers_ ** **_is now calling…_ **

“Goshiki, you are so extra,” Ren says with an eye roll as everyone answers the video call. Goshiki simply smiles in return, patiently waiting for everyone to get situated. “Are we gonna wait for Kogane?” Yamaguchi asks, propping his chin up on his hand. He’s in his room, fairy lights strung behind him over the headboard of his bed. Kindaichi quickly shakes his head at the question, nearly bouncing from excitement.

“He’s probably getting his dick sucked or something! We’ll fill him in later!”

“Or maybe he has homework?” Kuguri suggests half-heartedly, his eyes droopy with sleep.

“Yuutarou obviously cannot wait,” Goshiki says, a smug smirk on his face. “So I’ll tell you guys now.”

“Why are you so cryptic?” Onaga asks. “Just tell us already.”

“Cryptic!” Goshiki exclaims, as if that made him remember something. “Oh, Wataru, why didn’t you say something before?”

“Oh, god,” Kuguri mumbles, putting his hands over his face. In true over-the-top, almost Tendou-like fashion, Goshiki begins to take out candles from the top drawer of his bedside table. Then, he takes out a lighter and begins to illuminate his room in an ominous glow.

“I don’t wanna know why he has a lighter,” Yamaguchi mutters.

“Aren’t those a fire hazard for your dorm room?” Inuoka questions.

Both comments fall on deaf ears, though, as Goshiki sits in the circle of his now lit candles. “Okay,” he says. “Now I can tell you.”

In the dramatic pause following his statement, Kuguri lets out an involuntary laugh. Inuoka snorts at the unfamiliar sound, then Onaga soon joins in. Soon all seven of them are laughing, over seemingly nothing but Goshiki lighting some candles.

“Where-Why do you even have candles in your room?” Yamaguchi giggles.

Pausing for a second in his own laughter, Goshiki responds with, “Google said that vanilla-scented candles were an aphrodisiac, and second-year me _really_ wanted to get in Taichi’s pants.”

That starts a whole new set of laughs to fall out of the captains. Kuguri finds himself smiling despite all the old memories that he just thought of, and inwardly sends out a thank you to whoever’s listening for these guys.

“Okay!” Kindaichi says loudly in his ‘captain voice’, making all of them quiet down. “Tell us the plan, Tsutomu!” Goshiki nods. “Right.” He rubs his hands together as if scheming, takes a deep breath, then says: “We should have a sleepover!”

Kindaichi cheers loudly. “That’s it, boys! We’re havin’ a sleepover! I’ll bring the face masks!”

“That sounds really fun!” Yamaguchi says with a smile. “Does anyone wanna host it?”

“I can,” Kuguri says. “I probably have a bigger house than all of you, anyway,” he adds.

Goshiki hums. “Since summer break’s coming up soon, we can do it whenever you guys are free. I know I’m only gonna have a few practices.” He sighs. “And since my team is better than all of yours -”

“I’m gonna have to cut you off right there, sweetie,” Yamaguchi says with a bright smile. “Shiratorizawa ain’t shit. Now continue.” Goshiki gives him a glare with no real heat behind it, then does as he said to. “Yeah. Whenever we’re all free.”

“Yes! I’m so excited!” Kindaichi says. “Tsutomu and I have been planning this for _months._ ”

“Really?” Inuoka asks, looking at the two captains. “We had to feel you guys out first. Make sure we could do this without it being, like, awkward,” Goshiki says, blushing a bit. “When-When Ushijima-san was my captain, Tendou-senpai would host sleepovers all the time so I thought it was a sort of… tradition? Or something?”

“Same here! Oikawa-san taught me _everything_ about skincare! He has this shady deal with a makeup company and gets me all the charcoal masks that I ask for!”

“Oh, that reminds me!” Yamaguchi says, taking out his phone. “Oikawa-san actually texted me earlier…”

^^^

**_Call ended. Duration: 4:37:23._ **

^^^

**kewlest:** SO kogane

**kewlest:** next week we’re having a sleepover at kuguris house. yuutarou will be takin us miyagi captains on a road trip, wanna carpool?

**?????:** omg yes plz!!!! ill ask my mom

**?????:** she said yes!!

**kewlest:** yesss the whole crew!

**turnup:** whered you go btw kogane?

**?????:** ohhhh sry about that haha!! i have a huge english test tmrw and kou said i should turn my phone off cuz i kept getting distracted

**kuguri:** HES SUCH A GOOD BF

**?????:** ISNT HE THO

**kewlest:** everyone else went to sleep i think but i just wanted to fill you in

**?????:** aww thank u goshiki!!!

**kewlest:** tsutomu

**?????:** what?

**kewlest:** i think we’re on a first name basis at this point

**?????:** ok!!! and u can call me kanji then xxx

**turnup:** iM nOt CrYiNg YoUrE cRyInG

**?????:** welp i gotta get to sleep yall, ill talk to u tmrw!!

**kuguri:** sweet dreams my princess

**kewlest:** gn xxx

**kewlest:** btw yuutarou did you text the antichrist?

**turnup:** fuck you he is a lovely man

**turnup:** and yes i did


	8. a blast from the past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> any takers for ex-captains?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1st gen captains guide (in case u forgot):  
> queen bitch = oikawa  
> Bokuto's babe = kuroo  
> Kuroo's babe = bokuto  
> sneaky snek = daishou  
> papa swan = ushijima  
> stressed dadchi = daichi  
> precious = moniwa  
> gucci = terushima
> 
> and the next gens:  
> gucci = terushima  
> king = futakuchi  
> queen = akaashi  
> newlywed = seguro  
> fergie = fukunaga  
> yahoeba = yahaba  
> shirabooboo = shirabu  
> ★ MILF ★ = ennoshita

Chat: **_daishou would suck a dude off for strawberry mochi_ **

**queen bitch:** you

 **queen bitch:** you guys

 **queen bitch:** my BABY kindai-chan is having a sleepover !!

 **queen bitch:** with the other first years!!

 **Bokuto’s babe:** well they’re third years now

 **Kuroo’s babe:** get with the  P R O G R A M

 **Kuroo’s babe:** but omg im so proud!!!!!!

 **sneaky snek:** where is it?

 **queen bitch:** kindai-chan said its at kuguri-kun’s house!!

 **sneaky snek:** WHAT

 **sneaky snek:** omg i am so proud i cant believe hes hosting a party

 **sneaky snek:** imma tell him to make sure that he has plenty of cheese and crackers

 **papa swan:** Make sure he gets the little sausages too.

 **sneaky snek:** GREAT call ushiwaka

 **Bokuto’s babe:** SUGURU CAN WE CRASH IT

 **Kuroo’s babe:** OMG CAN WE CAN WE

 **sneaky snek:** WE SHOULD

 **stressed dadchi:** No, we shouldn’t.

 **Bokuto’s babe:** YOURE NO FUN DAD

 **precious:** Lets not ruin their fun!

 **precious:** I know Koganegawa is really excited about this…

 **Kuroo’s babe:** we’ll only add to the fun!!

 **Bokuto’s babe:** speaking of fun

 **Bokuto’s babe:** look whos online

 **gucci:** idk guys um i agree with daichi

 **stressed dadchi:** Thank you!

 **stressed dadchi:** But why?

 **gucci:** oh yknow i just dont think they would like it that much idk uh

 **papa swan:** I don’t think we should crash it, but maybe we can pay them a visit

 **precious:** I think that would be okay

 **queen bitch:** i have to drop off the face masks anyway, since im in tokyo already

 **stressed dadchi:** I mean, if you’ll be over there…

 **gucci:** oh no um i dont think we should ruin their fun guys oikawa can drop off the face masks and thatll be that

 **sneaky snek:** yuuji dont you wanna see ren?

 **gucci:** oh um yeah ofc!!

 **queen bitch:** you dont sound like you wanna see him

 **precious:** Dont you two get along?

 **gucci:** ok guys real talk

 **gucci:** i never really like….talked to ren ngl???

 **gucci:** DONT GET ME WRONG IM SURE HES GREAT

 **gucci:** but he like

 **gucci:** terrifies me

 **Bokuto’s babe:** PFFFFFF

 **Kuroo’s babe:** ARE YOU SERIOUS UNDERCUT

 **gucci:** hes scary!!!!

 **gucci:** also he likes takeharu better than me ;’(

 **precious:** Dont think like that I’m sure he loves you!!!

 **papa swan:** Then why did you make him captain?

 **stressed dadchi:** I was about to ask the same thing.

 **gucci:** i never said he wasnt smart and capable!!! and haru put in a good word

 **sneaky snek:** im so confused rn

 **gucci:** suguru he was a first year and he had a nose piercing

 **sneaky snek:** bicth i-

 **precious:** Pot, kettle

 **gucci:** he had a tattoo that i KNOW wasnt obtained legally

 **Bokuto’s babe:** so what im hearing is the kids a badass?

 **gucci:** NO he strikes fear into me whenever i see him

 **sneaky snek:** we’re going

 **gucci:** what?

 **sneaky snek:** we are ALL going to visit them

 **queen bitch:** god i love it when he gets all dominant

 **Kuroo’s babe:** K I N K S H A M I N G

 **papa swan:** I agree with Daishou

 **papa swan:** You need to face your fears Terushima

 **papa swan:** Like how you got over your fear of heights by going on that roller coaster at the amusement park with all of us

 **stressed dadchi:** Or like how you got rid of your fear of snakes.

 **precious:** Or your fear of well-upholstered furniture covered in plastic…

 **sneaky snek:** we’re in agreement then

 **sneaky snek:** please yuuji? i really wanna see nao-kun and i need my arm candy

 **Bokuto’s babe:** (he’ll also suck ur dick afterwards)

 **gucci:** fineeeeeeee

 **gucci:** you know i cant say no to you suguru

 **queen bitch:** YES!!!! ill prepare the face masks then

 **precious:**  We should make them a care package or smth too!!

 **Kuroo’s babe:** omg yes we can bring snacks!!

 **gucci:** hey guys?

 **papa swan:** Yes?

 **gucci:** is it ok if i invite a few others as well to come visit?

 **stressed dadchi:** Who do you have in mind?

 **gucci:** well…

^^^

Chat: **_sometimes i let kyoutani spike a ball in my face just so i know i can feel something_ **

**gucci:** who wants to crash a party with me?

 **king:** i’m down

 **★ MILF ★:** You guys are so rude we’re not crashing any parties

 **shirabooboo:** whose party?

 **gucci:** our first years

 **gucci:** well third years now but

 **yahoeba:** Oh, I’m SO down

 **queen:** Are they actually having a party??

 **fergie:** omg i wanna comeeeee i miss sou-kun smmmmm

 **gucci:** theyre having a sleepover at kuguri-kuns placeee

 **gucci:** oikawa is providing face masks and he wants all us captains to visit them

 **yahoeba:** Okay now I’m definitely going

 **shirabooboo:** SAME

 **king:** not to sound gay but

 **king:** we should have a sleepover of our own after we visit

 **newlywed:** i can host

 **newlywed:** i live pretty close to naoyasu anyway

 **newlywed:** and my mom misses you guys

 **fergie:** AKIHIKO I MISS YOUR MOM TOO AWWWW

 **queen:** I’m so down

 **gucci:** YES yall we are acting like a TRUE gc

 **shirabooboo:** shigeru and i are gonna get our nails done and go shopping before we pop over there

 **yahoeba:** Anyone wanna join us?

 **gucci:** can i come???

 **yahoeba:** You’re into stuff like that?

 **gucci:** i paint my nails all the time!! i’ve never gotten them professionally done tho hahaha

 **gucci:** suguru doesn’t like to feel lonely when he paints his

 **king:** how cute.

 **fergie:** shut ur pie hole u have a bf now

 **king:** i called them cute!

 **queen:** We all know what you’re doing

 **king:** i hate this fucking fmily

 **shirabooboo:** anyone else wanna come?

 **newlywed:** imma need to clean my house so dw about me booboo

 **king:** my hands are too strong and manly for getting my nails done

 **fergie:** LITERALLY S T O P

 **king:** IM NOT DOING ANYTHING

 **queen:** I’ll join you guys, if that’s alright

 **yahoeba:** Hell yes it is spicy mami

 **★ MILF ★:** Wtf are you on

 **yahoeba:** Nothing, I’m not Kindaichi

 **shirabooboo:** skskskskks

 **fergie:** i think imma help akihiko clean up his house!!! dont want to stress out the butlers too much

 **newlywed:** for the last time i DONT have butlers

 **fergie:** anyone who goes to a school with ‘aCaDeMy’ in the title has butlers

 **king:** and that’s not tea, that’s facts

 **shirabooboo:** shit

 **queen:** Gdi

 **gucci:** hahaha yall rich boy lookin asses

 **★ MILF ★:** Fuckin mansion ass havin asses

 **king:** fuckin’ ‘i can afford to not have cockroaches in my school’ lookin asses

 **yahoeba:** Fucking elevator havin lookin asses

 **fergie:** fuckin i wipe my tears w 100 dollar bills lookin asses

 **shirabooboo:** i AcTuAlLy GoT a ScHoLaRsHiP

 **king:** oh a SCHOLARSHIP

 **fergie:** this bicth gotta SCHOLARSHIP

 **shirabooboo:** i feel,,, bullied?

 **yahoeba:** Ouchie :(

 **newlywed:** ok so shouhei youre coming over before right?

 **fergie:** yessir

 **★ MILF ★:** I can come over too if you want, Seguro

 **newlywed:** ya thatd be great!

 **king:** hey guys

 **fergie:** no

 **king:** why are you so mean to me all of a sudden?

 **king:** what did i do

 **fergie:** jk idc lol

 **newlywed:** ofc you can come futa!!

 **king:** aw sweet sausage party

 **fergie:** THIS IS WHY YOURE NOT INVITED TO THINGS

 **king:** ily shouhei xxx

 **gucci:** this is gonna be good guys

 **gucci:** and we get to see our upperclassmen and underclassmen!! win win

 **king:** i cant wait to see moniwa-san again

 **★ MILF ★:** And Kogane?

 **king:** eh

 **shirabooboo:** SKSKSKSK MOOD

 **queen:** I bet Bokuto-san wants to make a fruit platter for them or smth

 **gucci:** THATS SO FUNNY BC THATS EXACTLY WHAT HE WANTS TO DO

 **fergie:** SKSKSK ME AS A MOM

 **newlywed:** fergie you basically are a mom at this point with the little rat you own

 **fergie:** SHES NOT A RAT

 **fergie:** SHES A SHIH TZU BICHON MIX AND SHE LOOKS LIKE A TEDDY BEAR

 **fergie:** i am reasonably sure that akinori likes her more than he likes me

 **king:** y’all are so gay it’s CUTE

 **queen:** They own a dog together

 **shirabooboo:** ugh goals

 **shirabooboo:** all eita and i share is our communal fund for silk sheets

 **yahoeba:** You’re SO high maintenance.

 **gucci:** shigeru doesn’t need a dog or silk sheets cuz he has kyouken

 **yahoeba:** He’s right, though.

 **★ MILF ★:** Im so scared bc I dont know how Kyouken relates to silk sheets

 **yahoeba:** ;)

 **★ MILF ★:** Ahhhhh

 **newlywed:** ill send yall my address after i run this by my mom

 **gucci:** literally legit

 **shirabooboo:** also yuuji ask the other captains if they wanna come with us

 **gucci:** kk

 **queen:** I hope Daishou-san chooses to join us

 **yahoeba:** I’ve never met him before

 **queen:** He’s lovely, I think you and Shirabu would enjoy him

 **shirabooboo:** i think ill like him better than futakuchi

 **king:** LITERALLY GO DIE

 **shirabooboo:** sksksksk im jk bby you know i love you xxx

 **king:** aw ily

 **gucci:** oikawa, suguru, and precious said yes

 **yahoeba:** It’s go-time boys.

 **shirabooboo:** avengers, assemble

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope we liked that lil time travel machine ladies!! i had so much fun getting back in the mindset of the old chats, also coming up with new chat names?? prime time!!! love y'all, i hope you enjoyed this!!


	9. what's with the tokyo captains and keeping secrets from us?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> back with our babes, ushijima is hilarious, tokyo captains keep secrets, futakuchi gets some appreciation, they choose their hottest ex-senpais, they learn more about ren's gf, daishou needs some advice, and we check in on the day of the sleepover with some familiar faces!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey yall!! 
> 
> the next update may be a few days late. it's written but i'm on vacation rn and i'm going to be at a class at a college so i'll update when i get back home!! sorry about the wait but i hope that it's ok hahah!!
> 
> love you guys, hope you enjoy this chapter!!

Chat:  **_a ragtag group of memers_ **

**existential crisis mode:** whats yalls favorite type of cheese

**turnup:** colby jack

**kewlest:** im kinda a cheddar man myself

**yamamama:** colby jack as well

**kuguri:** i vibe w mozzarella

**?????:** cheddarrrr

**omonaga-kun:** you already know my answer babe ;)

**shiba inu xD:** mozzarella!

**shiba inu xD:** why?

**existential crisis mode:** daishou-san told me to make a cheese sausage and crackers platter for our sleepover

**kuguri:** a man after my own heart

**turnup:** also kuguri we’ll be stopping at a store to pick up chips and shit on our way to tokyo so dw about all that

**existential crisis mode:** you are the sweetest man alive

**turnup:** *nuzzles and kisses*

**existential crisis mode:** XD

**omonaga-kun:** that really came for my wig naoyasu

**kewlest:** AHHAHAH OMG SIDE NOTE

**kewlest:** tendou-senpai talks about his wig being snatched sm that ushijima-san has picked up on it

**kewlest:** look at this amazing excerpt from our shiratori gc

**kewlest:** > papa swan, 10:34

_ “Semi I wish I could snatch your wig” _

**turnup:** TSUTOMU IM R O L L I N G

**kuguri:** WHY DID HE SAY THAT HAHAHAHAH

**kewlest:** SEMI-SENPAI JUST GOT HIS HAIR REDYED

**kewlest:** USHIJIMA-SAN CAME FOR ALL OUR WEAVES

**omonaga-kun:** ushijima-san is actually so funny and i can’t deny it at all

**existential crisis mode:** when he becomes a comedian i’m going to all his shows

**existential crisis mode:** i’ll be his groupie

**kewlest:** our futures will intertwine then i see

**?????:** we should get kuguri and onaga bfs that r positive influences in their lives!!!!

**existential crisis mode:** dibs on ushijima

**omonaga-kun:** DAMMIT

**omonaga-kun:** jk i have a bf sorta

**yamamama:** WHAT

**kuguri:** YOU DO

**turnup:** WATARU I-

**omonaga-kun:** well we like are dating

**omonaga-kun:** but its not super serious

**kewlest:** whomst

**omonaga-kun:** his name is washio tatsuki? he was a third year when i was a first year

**shiba inu xD:** daddy

**existential crisis mode:** daddy

**omonaga-kun:** FOR THE LAST TIME STOP SAYING THAT EVERY TIME SOMEONE SAYS HIS NAME

**kewlest:** skskskks

**existential crisis mode:** i’m a single pringle B)

**existential crisis mode:** i’m also

**existential crisis mode:** terrified of falling in love again cuz the last time i did the person fucked me up so bad that i almost lost the only thing that makes me happy in life B)

**shiba inu xD:** now he takes adderall B)

**yamamama:** omg

**existential crisis mode:** I DO BUT ITS PRESCRIBED

**existential crisis mode:** ITS A PRESCRIPTION DW YAMAMAMA

**existential crisis mode:** 100% LEGAL

**yamamama:** ok if you say so

**turnup:** hahahah

**omonaga-kun:** hey naoyasu what about um

**omonaga-kun:** ~you know who~

**existential crisis mode:** ~you know who~ and i are together on strictly physical levels

**existential crisis mode:** i’m a snake i need a warm body underneath me or else i can’t digest my food right

**?????:** now we HAVE to know

**kuguri:** what’s with the tokyo captains and keeping secrets from us

**shiba inu xD:** i dont keep secrets!!!

**turnup:** we know inuoka

**shiba inu xD:** the other day yuuki gave me the most KILLER blowjob

**kewlest:** we know inuoka

**yamamama:** who is it kuguri!!!!

**existential crisis mode:** you guys don’t know him he goes to another school

**kuguri:** i am beginning to believe that this mystery man doesn’t exist

**shiba inu xD:** oh he does

**omonaga-kun:** i’ve seen him in the flesh

**shiba inu xD:** i’ve PLAYED AGAINST HIM and l e m m e t e l l y o u

**existential crisis mode:** his name is numai kazuma, he was also a 3rd year when i was a 1st year

**shiba inu xD:** DADDY

**omonaga-kun:** daddy

**existential crisis mode:** daddy

**yamamama:** and he’s nice, right?

**yamamama:** he keeps you out of trouble?

**existential crisis mode:** as nice as a nohebi athlete can be

**existential crisis mode:** yes he does dw yamamama

**?????:** the plan is complete!!!! gr8 job guys

**turnup:** operation make numakugu a thing af

**kewlest:** SKSKSK LEGENDARY

**kuguri:** i can't believe there's only a few more days until i can suck kuguri's di-

**kuguri:** i mean see the tokyo caps in person

**shiba inu xD:** nobody:

**shiba inu xD:** literally nobody:

**shiba inu xD:** ren:

**yamamama:** HAHAHAH

**existential crisis mode:** ren if you say something like that again i might have to come over there and kiss you

**kuguri:** BET i W A N T you to do it

**?????:** aw johzenji-nohebi love story pt 2 <3

**omonaga-kun:** anyone wanna join in a nekoma-fukurodani foursome <3

**shiba inu xD:** i would love to xxx

**?????:** dont ren n i have to like d8 

**kuguri:** for a couple months then i break up with you and go back to kuguri <3

**?????:** aw how cute <3

**kewlest:** sksksk rip futakuchi

**turnup:** HES LITERALLY NOT APPRECIATED ENOUGH

**kewlest:** big tb to when futakuchi gave terushima a back rub 

**kuguri:** LEGENDARY

**kuguri:** HE WAS TALKING ABOUT IT FOR WEEKS I SWEAR

**yamamama:** i would have the BIGGEST boner in my heart for someone who gave me a back rub.

**kewlest:** SKSKSK POP OFF MAMI

**?????:** tsukishima kei af

**turnup:** TSUKKI

**shiba inu xD:** daddy

**omonaga-kun:** daddy

**existential crisis mode:** daddy

**yamamama:** daddy

**kewlest:** LITERAL TEARS YALL

**turnup:** yamamama you’re a blessed meme

**yamamama:** <3

**omonaga-kun:** hard to swallow pills futakuchi is the hottest dateko ex-senpai

**?????:** hN

**kewlest:** but have you SEEN his boyfriend

**omonaga-kun:** good point

**?????:** i-

**existential crisis mode:** alright on the count of 3 everyone say who your best looking ex-senpai is

**existential crisis mode:** 1

**existential crisis mode:** 2

**existential crisis mode:** 3

**existential crisis mode:** numai-san

**shiba inu xD:** DADDY

**omonaga-kun:** daddy

**turnup:** iwaizumi-san without a doubt

**kewlest:** semi-san

**omonaga-kun:** tatsuki

**shiba inu xD:** daddy

**existential crisis mode:** daddy

**shiba inu xD:** nobuyuki-san

**yamamama:** asahi-san

**kuguri:** futamata-senpai

**?????:** moniwa-senpai

**turnup:** damn the truth really popped out huh

**yamamama:** TSUTOMU I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU DIDN’T CHOOSE YOUR OWN BF

**kewlest:** SHIT MY BAD

**kewlest:** both taichi and shirabu-san are gonna kill me highkey

**existential crisis mode:** we all chose people who were third years when we were first years

**kuguri:** except me

**shiba inu xD:** it just goes to show that we all have daddy kinks i guess

**turnup:** pFF-

**kuguri:** except me y’all nasties

**?????:** u dont have a daddy kink but ur a furry so

**kewlest:** SKSKSKSKS

**yamamama:** OMG KANJI

**turnup:** damn the truth really popped out huh

**existential crisis mode:** i hope fumiko-kun is into that?

**shiba inu xD:** omg i always forget ren has a gf because he acts so gay for kuguri

**existential crisis mode:** <3

**kuguri:** we can have a lil threeway

**kuguri:** i’ve showed her pics of you guys and her face got all red aww she’s so cute

**yamamama:** I MUST SEE HER

**kuguri:** @fumiko.kira on insta

**yamamama:** SHE IS G O R G E O U S

**turnup:** ren tell her she’s beautiful from me

**kewlest:** omg she plays VOLLEYBALL?????

**kewlest:** HOW COULD YOU KEEP THIS FROM US

**shiba inu xD:** if all these pics are right she’s pretty good!

**kuguri:** ya in middle school her team won all the championships that they played in

**kuguri:** she’s a right side wing spiker cuz she’s left handed

**kuguri:** she’s AMAZING

**kewlest:** y'all know i love a good left handed right side spiker

**omonaga-kun:** you better cherish that girl holy SHIT

**?????:** i keep asking myself how you started dating someone so much more attractive than you ren

**kuguri:** honestly same

**yamamama:** you are both very attractive!! you’re a perfect couple

**existential crisis mode:** yes bf you are both so cute

**kuguri:** aw ily <3

**?????:** u guys add her on snap shes so cute and funny

**?????:** @fumikoi

**kuguri:** if any of y’all fuckers sends her a dick pic i will actually bust a nut

**kewlest:** the only people i send dick pics are taichi and yuutarou

**turnup:** and i always reciprocate xx

**omonaga-kun:** ew

**kewlest:** aw wataru i’ll send you them too from now on xx

**existential crisis mode:** did anyone else’s senpai just ask them what color they looked best in?

**existential crisis mode:** like look

**existential crisis mode:** > sneaky snek, 3:28

_ “hey nao-kun u little bitch. what color do i look best in? thx ily.” _

**turnup:** HES SO AGGRESSIVE I LOVE IT

**omonaga-kun:** tell him a grey-ish color

**omonaga-kun:** it’ll also go well with any stolen johzenji merch he wants to flex.

**existential crisis mode:** omg thank you i was honestly gonna leave him on read

**shiba inu xD:** i hope he’s buying leggings

**existential crisis mode:** w

**existential crisis mode:** why

**shiba inu xD:** daishou-san in grey leggings? more like 100% NUT ALERT

**kewlest:** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e097tSVkaQY](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e097tSVkaQY)

**existential crisis mode:** sksksk

**^^^**

“What color should I get?” Yahaba asks, looking through the various bottles of nail polish lining the walls. Shirabu looks up at him, a slight frown on his face. “I don’t know, bro, but you look best with pastel colors, just saying. Go mint green.” Yahaba groans. “I  _ always  _ do mint green, though. It’s getting old.”

“Team colors can never get old, Yahaba-chan!” 

Oikawa swoops by, grabbing a shade of light green from the stand and walking over to the employee with a bright, signature Oikawa-smile. He seems to be in a good mood, Yahaba notices, but in all honesty, they all do. Yahaba himself, while visiting Kindaichi and Seijoh occasionally, couldn’t see them all the time. He also hadn’t seen Oikawa-san since he graduated, besides the holidays. He found himself falling into his ex-senpai’s comforting aura like it was routine, even if he did have to be damage control when Oikawa-san had found out how close he was to “ _ one of stupid Ushiwaka’s kouhai _ ”. 

“I think I’ll go with this one, then,” Yahaba says, picking out a pastel blue color. Shirabu looks at it, surveys it, then nods. “Good choice.” He picks out a nude-brownish-pink color himself. “Trouble in paradise, you think?” He continues in a whisper, nodding over to where Terushima and Daishou are standing. Terushima is looking warily at the display that Daishou is looking at to choose an acrylic nail shape. 

“Not that it matters, you gossipy bitch,” Yahaba says, taking into account the fear crossing Terushima’s expression, “but no. I think he’s fearing for the skin on his back.”

Shirabu chuckles quietly. “Well, he’s nice, not gonna lie. I like him.” When they had both introduced themselves to Daishou, he was pleasant. He had been holding Terushima’s hand, had a bright smile on his face, and greeted them in a way that could’ve rivaled how Oikawa treated his fangirls. Both had been wary, especially taking into account what they heard about the ex-Nohebi captain, but he wasn’t as bad as people (read: Futakuchi) said.

“I told you that you would,” Akaashi says in a monotone voice, surprising both Yahaba and Shirabu. “You’re always right, Keiji,” Shirabu says with a small smile. Akaashi smirks a bit. “Yeah, I get that a lot.” 

“Keiji-kun, come over here! I need your help!” 

Akaashi walks over at Daishou’s call with a raised eyebrow. “What?”

“Yuuji isn’t helping at all. I already had to ask Nao-kun what color I should get. What shape do you think?” Akaashi now raises both eyebrows, especially as he takes into account Terushima’s face. Moniwa hides his laughter with his hand as Daishou looks at a particularly sharp shape. 

“Well, Daishou-san,” Akaashi says, glancing up at Terushima. “With volleyball practices being so… strenuous, I’d say go for something more blunt. You don’t want to pay for these then have them break or fall off.” Moniwa smiles at him, while Terushima looks about ready to get on his knees and pray. 

“Great point, Keiji-kun!” Daishou says, choosing a more square shape. “Y’know, I never understood how a smart man like you is dating that  _ awful  _ Tetsu-kun.”

“Yeah, I got roped into it on a technicality. Apparently, he and Bokuto-san are apart of a package deal.”

Terushima snorts, picking a bottle of black nail polish from the display then sitting in front of another employee, who raises her eyebrows at the horrendous condition his hands have been kept in. 

“What are you thinking, Name-chan?” Daishou asks. “Well, I don’t have a problem with volleyball, and I don’t need to worry about scratching up my boyfriend beyond recognition while having sex,” Moniwa whispers, choosing a longer acrylic shape in a teal color. Daishou laughs, nudging the ex-Dateko captain and muttering something about “ _ my favorite ace _ ”. 

They all eventually sit down to get their nails done; Daishou choosing grey as Kuguri suggested and Akaashi choosing a matte navy blue shade. About a half hour later, Oikawa looks down at his phone while his nails are drying, seeing it blowing up with messages.

“Keiji-chan, your boyfriend is telling me to tell you to check your phone.”

Akaashi sighs, hoping to god it’s Kenma, but when he finally retrieves his phone from his pocket he sees it’s Bokuto  _ and  _ Kuroo. Rolling his eyes at the latter’s messages (which have too many peach emojis to not warrant a restraining order) he simply types back to their four person group chat: “ _ K. _ ”

“Kuroo-san says that they’re coming to pick us all up in about an hour,” Akaashi explains. Daishou smiles. “Do you guys wanna get bubble tea while we’re waiting?” Shirabu leans back to make eye contact with the Nohebi captain before nodding profusely. “Yes. That is a thing that we should do.”

They leave the salon within the next ten minutes, nails did. While they’re walking, Oikawa texts on his phone the best that he can, Yahaba making sure he doesn’t run into any poles (much to Shirabu’s disappointment).

“Alright, Kindai-chan says to come around 7 with the face masks. God, I can’t wait to see the look on his face!” Terushima squeezes Daishou’s hand a bit tighter at the mention of seeing the captains, and Daishou chuckles a bit. “Be brave, Yuu-chan~!”

“From what I’ve heard,” Moniwa says, “he really is a nice kid. Koganegawa-kun absolutely loves him.”

“I’m mostly scared he’s not gonna want to see me,” Terushima mutters. “I mean, we only ever really talked because of Takeharu.” 

“Have you  _ seen  _ yourself?” Daishou asks, nudging him. “I’m positive he loves you! Don’t be such a worry-wart, you’re reminding me of Name-chan.”

Moniwa punches Daishou’s arm, causing the ex-Nohebi captain to wince in pain then cover it up with a laugh. 

“I’m just excited for Futakuchi’s first in-person meeting with Daishou,” Shirabu whispers to Yahaba and Akaashi, who both chuckle a bit. “It’ll definitely be interesting, to say the least,” Yahaba says. “They’re actually just as similar as you two,” Akaashi inputs. Shirabu furrows his eyebrows. “What do you mean?”

“They’re both too provocative for their own good, and they know how to keep themselves from getting punched for it. And their haircuts look… strikingly similar.” Oikawa snorts at the comment, adding, “Terushima clearly has a type.” Yahaba laughs. 

“At least it’ll be entertaining!”

^^^

**turnup:**  <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kbBgx0BEuuI>

**omonaga-kun:** thanks


	10. i didn't know "meeting the parents" would come this quickly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kuguri gets a text from an unknown (or known?) number, the ex-captains make their way over to crash a party, all seven of kuguri's boyfriends meet his mom, and our party team representative comes up with the perfect prank

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey yall sorry this took so long to get out!!! i hope it meets your expectations <3333
> 
> there's only one chapter left ahhh ive gotta finish it up so it may take a few days but it'll be out soon!!!!
> 
> hope you like this chapter!!!

"Is the basement clean, Naoyasu?"

Kuguri sighs, nodding at the question for the third time that day. "Yes, mom. I cleaned it last night."

"Just let me know if I should call Hina-kun before you friends get here; she can do it quickly -"

"Mom, I'm perfectly capable of cleaning the house. Give Hina-kun some time off."

Kuguri's mother nods, fretting with her hands. "Everything's fine, Mom. They're gonna have fun." "You just haven't invited people over in awhile! I've missed meeting your friends," his mother says. Kuguri wants to know how he's related to someone so… energetic.

"And Suguru-kun, Kouji-kun, and Isumi-kun haven't been over in awhile! You haven't been being rude, have you?"

Kuguri also wants to know how his mother has fallen under his ex-senpais' spells.

"No, Mom, they're in college." "That's right! Oh, they're such sweet boys. They were such a good influence on you, too!"

Kuguri grimaces a bit at the comment, but disregards it otherwise. His phone buzzes with a message from snapchat and glances at it, sees it's from his captain's group chat, and opens it. It's a video from Ren of Yuutarou and Tsutomu singing loudly to an American rap song. From the playlist that Tsutomu shared with all of them on Spotify, it's a song called Colt 45. Kuguri snickers a bit at the video, especially when Yuutarou accidentally swerves and Tadashi shrieks a " _eyes on the road, two hands on the wheel!"_

Just as he clicks out of the video and types a response ( _"yuutarou if you damage the johzenji merchandise before it gets here i will bust your nut"_ ) and Ren sends a kissy face emoji back, he gets a text message.

He taps on it, seeing it's from an unsaved number, and raises an eyebrow.

_xxx-xxxx-xxxx_

_hey, naoyasu, can we maybe talk tonight? ;)_

Kuguri's eyebrows furrow in confusion, until his memory registers. He lets out a groan, leaning his head back against the couch. He stares at the text screen, leaving it open as he rubs his eyes. He tries to think of responses, but nothing comes to mind. Maybe he'll wait until Sou and Wataru get to his house…

He doesn't want to know how they'll react to his ex-boyfriend texting him again, but he's willing to try anything.

^^^

"So, was that woman, like, a drug dealer?" Daishou asks. Oikawa makes a totally unconvincing ' _pfff_ ' sound. "No! I just have an inside deal with her and she gives me face masks anytime I want. What's shady about that?"

"Pretty much everything," Moniwa mutters.

The three of them had gone to pick up the face masks that Oikawa was supposed to bring for their old kouhai. Kuroo and Bokuto had rented a huge van that would take all fifteen past captains to Kuguri's house, then Seguro's house to drop off the next-gen captains.

It was kind of a tight fit, and most _definitely_ illegal, but no one seemed to mind (bar Daichi).

"I still can't believe Yuu-chan doesn't wanna see his first year!" Oikawa says with a pout. Moniwa shrugs. "It is a little confusing. If the kid is as much of a delinquent as he says, Yuuji has no right to talk. He scared _me_ when I first saw him."

Daishou hums. "He's just worried that Ren won't be happy to see him. They weren't as close as the kid was to Futamata-kun," he says. "I keep telling him that he probably had more of an impact than he realizes. Ren _is_ a wing spiker and ace, after all, not a setter.” Oikawa nods. “Yeah. But we all have kouhai like that! Like, I know that Kyouken-chan was closer to Iwa-chan than he was to me, but he’s still happy to see me anytime I visit!” Moniwa gives him a disbelieving look, but then nods in agreement. “Same with me and Futakuchi. He was… _close_ with Kamasaki. I was always better at dealing with the first years, anyway.”

“I can’t get that through his thick skull!” Daishou exclaims, groaning. “He’s amazing, he’s a great senpai, all the underclassmen that I’ve seen him with admire him so much! He’s smart and funny and _so_ talented! Why _wouldn’t_ Ren like him?”

Oikawa and Moniwa smile at his outburst. “You’re so in love with him,” Oikawa says. Daishou goes bright red, sputtering. “I just - he always doubts himself! I’m sick of it,” he mumbles, then looks down. “We should, uh, be getting back. I’ve gotta keep an eye on Futakuchi anyway.” Moniwa chuckles, but he and Oikawa follow after Daishou back to the van, which (surprisingly) has not caught on fire yet.

As Daishou climbs back into the van, definitely pushing Kuroo’s head on purpose, he finds that his absence had resulted in Futakuchi leaning over to Terushima, showing him something on his phone while Terushima laughed loudly. Even though Terushima had reminded Daishou time and time again that _“he has a boyfriend, Suguru, he would never”_ , Daishou still feels the jealousy claw up his chest.

So, as any normal person would do, he sits himself on Terushima’s lap with the excuse of there not being enough seats available, relishes in the fact that the blond’s arms find their way around his waist almost immediately, and throws a quick glare Futakuchi’s way. Futakuchi glares back as if he had expected the reaction and Yahaba and Shirabu snicker from the back seat.

After Oikawa finally sits down, Daichi starts the car and they head off for Kuguri’s house. Seguro helpfully supplies through Ennoshita that they’re about a half hour away, and after that’s said, Bokuto moves Akaashi from his lap to Kuroo’s and leaps forward to grab the aux cord before anyone else can. As he scrolls through the songs on his phone, he shouts to the back seat of Yahaba, Shirabu, Fukunaga, Moniwa, and Oikawa: “Any suggestions?”

Shirabu and Yahaba make scary eye contact, then glance at Fukunaga, who smiles back at them as his cheeks flush from the attention. Ennoshita laughs from the front row. “That’s a dangerous question, Bokuto-san.”

Bokuto looks to Akaashi in confusion, but the raven haired setter is looking back at Shirabu and nodding. Shirabu then reaches forward over the seats, nearly falling into Bokuto’s lap. “May I, Bokuto-san?” He asks, respectfully, and Kuroo snickers. Bokuto nods, still confused, handing Shirabu his phone warily. “I downloaded it on his phone, it should be in his library,” Akaashi supplies. Shirabu scrolls through the music before clicking on a song, then hands Bokuto his phone back with a reserved “thank you” and gets pulled back into the back row by Yahaba.

Soon an upbeat song is playing and Seguro lets out an “oh _fuck yes_ ” from the front row as Futakuchi laughs. All the next-gen captains start nearly screaming the lyrics to the song, surprising their ex-senpai immensely. No one, not even Kuroo, could have been prepared for when Seguro turns around and points to Fukunaga in time with the song, singing _“hit it Fergie!”_ and the old Nekoma captain raps every word following it, causing everyone to lose their shit.

As the song ends, Kuroo still looking at Fukunaga in astonishment, Ushijima mutters from the passenger seat: “Wow, that really snatched my wig.”

Oikawa is the first to snap, letting out a loud laugh. Everyone joins in as Bokuto chooses another song, Daichi continuing to drive smoothly.

^^^

Inuoka rings the doorbell of the lavish house in front of him, Onaga right beside him. “Who do you think will open it this time; the maid, the butler, the cook, or the gardener?” The Fukurodani captain questions jokingly, and Inuoka laughs.

It’s not the Kuguri family’s maid, butler, cook, or gardener, though (even if they may only have the maid); it’s Kuguri himself, looking as if he had just seen a ghost.

“I need your help. Drastically.” He shoves his phone in Inuoka’s face. Once the Nekoma captain’s eyes adjust, he reads the text, turning the phone so that Onaga can read it at the same time. Inuoka looks up at Kuguri, an eyebrow raised. “Is it…” Kuguri nods, his face neutral but his eyes filled with apprehension. “What do I say, how do I respond to that, I-” “Tell him you’re busy tonight,” Onaga suggests. “Then we can come up with a better plan when the other guys get here.”

“He definitely wants to get back together, I can’t go through that again -”

“Then tell him that. You don’t owe him shit, Naoyasu,” Inuoka says, his voice darkening. Kuguri’s eyes widen the slightest bit at hearing the usually excitable and optimistic captain swear. Onaga looks a bit floored as well. “He almost ruined your life with everything that he put you through! Hell, you almost failed off your volleyball team. I never wanna see you go through that again, especially so close to the end of the year.” Inuoka sighs a bit. “I just - I just wanna see you happy,” he confesses, his shoulders losing their tenseness as his anger subsides. Kuguri smiles softly, looking at the two of them.

“How ‘bout you guys come in?”

They step inside the large foyer of Kuguri’s house, Inuoka immediately looking around in awe like he always did when he entered the house.

“Naoyasu, you didn’t tell me people were here yet!” Kuguri’s mother’s voice carries from the top of the stairs as she came down, securing a fancy earring in her right ear. “Sorry, mom, they just got here,” Kuguri says. “You look beautiful, Kuguri-san!” Inuoka says, ever the charmer. Kuguri’s mother flushes, then puts a hand to her heart. “You’re such a sweet boy. Do you all think this looks alright?” Onaga nods decidedly with a smile and Inuoka does the same beside him. “Where are you off to looking that nice?” Onaga asks.

“The Daishous are hosting a charity event and they asked me and Naoyasu’s father to attend. Normally, Naoyasu would be forced to come, too, but -” she pinches her son’s cheek - “you all helped him escape that tonight.” Kuguri huffs at the affection, swatting his mother’s hand away.

“Well, good luck, I hope that you have fun!” Inuoka says with a bright smile.

“Thank you, Sou-chan, I will! I’m going to leave after the rest of your friends get here, just so I can say hello before I leave.”

As if on cue, the doorbell rings and Kuguri walks to get it with a sigh. The second he opens it, he sees a flash of yellow before someone is attached to him like a koala. After being thoroughly creeped out from the Johzenji captain’s whisper of “ _you smell better when you’re awake”_ , Kuguri looks up and sees the other four Miyagi captains standing there. “Hey, guys,” Kuguri greets, attempting to wave but failing since his arms are still being restrained at his sides by Ren. “Come on in, my mom wants to say hi.”

After a greeting between the Miyagi captains and Kuguri’s mother (complete with Yamaguchi quickly becoming the favorite and Ren blushing profusely when he realized the scene that he had accidentally made, then trying to subtly pull the collar of his jacket over the tattoo visible on the side of his neck and lifting his arms to hide the piercings in his ears), Kuguri’s mother finally takes her leave as her husband pulls the car up. Once she’s gone, Ren turns to face Kuguri with an expression of death written on his face.

“Did she hate me?”

Kuguri simply blinks, then turns to lead them all down to the basement.

There’s already food set up, blankets and pillows stacked up for when they decided to fall asleep, and the large, flat screen television is on with many movies stacked near it.

Goshiki whistles. “Damn, Nao. Didn’t know there was a whole labyrinth underneath your house.”

Kuguri doesn’t miss a beat before replying, “Yeah, sometimes even I get lost in it. When I can’t find my way to the elevator, the butler has to come down and dig a whole new tunnel.”

“Okay, guys,” Inuoka says, taking a seat on the large, leather couch. “We have a problem. Or, well, Naoyasu does.”

“What’s wrong?” Yamaguchi asks, slowly moving to take a seat next to Inuoka. Kuguri reluctantly opens his phone and Kindaichi and Goshiki are soon looking over both his shoulders. “ _‘Can we talk tonight?’_ Why isn’t the number saved?” Goshiki asks. “Oh, is this your ex-boyfriend?” Kindaichi asks, hooking his chin over Kuguri’s shoulder.

“Yes,” Kuguri answers.

“He doesn’t know what to do,” Onaga adds.

“Want me to send a picture of you shirtless and in ecstasy at an angle where it looks like I’m riding you with the caption _‘he’s busy tonight’_?” Ren asks, already raiding the snack table. Kuguri looks at him with an eyebrow raised, genuinely considering it, but Yamaguchi sputters. “Don’t do that!”

“Why not?” Ren asks with a shrug.

“You can’t fight fire with fire,” Koganegawa says, falling onto the couch and stretching his long legs over Yamaguchi and Inuoka’s laps. “Ben 10 did it,” Kindaichi comments, and Onaga points to him as if that was a great point.

“I’d say go for it. Just ‘cause it’d be funny to see his reaction,” Goshiki agrees, snickering a bit. “You guys don’t even know why we hate him!” Inuoka says with a laugh. “Anyone who’s worthy of _your_ hatred is worthy of mine,” Kindaichi says. Koganegawa hums thoughtfully, nodding as he says, “that’s not tea, that’s facts.”

Ren falls to lie down on the chaise protruding from the couch, his head near Inuoka’s lap. He props himself up with an elbow, staring Kuguri down. “I’m not hearing a no. Get that shirt off.”

Kuguri feels the tips of his ears heat up at the comment, but he shakes it off. “Are we… seriously going to do this?”

“Yes!” “No!” Onaga and Yamaguchi say at the same time.

Ignoring Yamaguchi’s protest, Ren nods resolutely. “Cool. I’m gonna need a hickey, stat. Kogane, scratch up his chest a little bit. Naoyasu, I need you to make your lips look like we were _furiously_ making out. Goshiki, get some mood lighting. Onaga, find a condom and make sure the wrapper is visible in the picture. Yamaguchi, ready me for my closeup. Kindaichi, text my girlfriend and inform her of the situation. Inuoka, play my sexy jams, I needa get in the mood.”

The other captains blink up at him for a second, stunned at how prepared he is for this. After Ren snaps his fingers, though, they all get to work, setting the scene for the perfect prank.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> once i release the fic with kuguri's tragic backstory this will all make more sense
> 
> also can you tell i'm having way too much fun with ren


	11. the finale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the captains come together, emotional convos are had, and there are way too many honorifics being used this late in the game

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HERE HAVE A LONG CHAPTER BC IM SO SORRY FOR THE WAIT
> 
> this feels rushed ahhhh. im sorry if some parts are confusing or boring but with so many characters in one place it was r o u g h but i hope i did this ending some justice!!
> 
> i hope you enjoy this chapter, i love you allll!! <3

“This is it, right?” Daichi asks. Seguro hums in agreement. “Yeah. From the looks of it, his mom isn’t home right now.” “Oh, yeah, my parents invited Nao-kun’s mom and dad to a charity event they’re hosting tonight!” Daishou helpfully supplies, but when almost every head in the van turns to him, he flushes.

“What? I’m rich.”

Kuroo huffs, then turns away. “Did you text Kindaichi-kun, Tooru?” Oikawa nods. “Yep! But he responded something strange… he said that he’s gonna get the door for us because Arakida-kun and Kuguri-kun are in a ‘compromising position’? Whatever that means.” Terushima snorts, putting his hand over his mouth. “What?” Daishou asks. “I think I know what they’re doing,” he says. “Let’s see if I’m right.”

Daichi parks the van by Kuguri’s house; far away enough to not cause a ruckus. Oikawa and Yahaba walk first, the bag of face masks in the former’s right hand. Once they reach the door, Oikawa rings the doorbell. “Damn, this place is nice,” Shirabu whispers. Daishou shrugs from next to him. “Mine’s better.”

The door soon opens, Kindaichi standing there with a vaguely haunted look on his face. However, that all changes when he sees that not only is Oikawa standing there, but Yahaba as well. “Oh-Oh my god,” he mumbles, then takes into account the rest of the past captains standing behind his own. “Oh my god!” He sets his eyes on Ushijima, then his face forms into a slight grimace. “Oh my _god!”_

“Hey, Kindai-chan!” Oikawa says with a bright smile. “May we come in?”

Kindaichi nods in shock, opening the door wider. “Yeah, we’re, uh - downstairs. Make sure to prepare yourselves, they’re getting pretty down and dirty.”

Kuroo snorts as Kindaichi waits for them all to come inside, then directs them down to the basement. There’s the sound of loud music, louder singing, and laughter. “What’s going on?” Yahaba asks Kindaichi with a laugh. “Well, Kuguri’s ex-boyfriend texted him, wanting him to get back together. Ren decided to take things into his own hands.”

Terushima laughs loudly, while Shirabu comments, “and the music?”

Kindaichi laughs a little to himself. “ _Well,_ Ren told Inuoka to play his ‘sexy jams’. Apparently, this was mostly throwback One Direction songs.” He pauses, getting a grave look on his face. “Kuguri won’t stop singing and crying long enough that they can enact the plan.”

“And what exactly is this plan?” Ushijima asks. Kindaichi purses his lips in indignation before replying. “You’ll see.” They walk down the stairs to the basement, and the sight is truly incredible.

Kuguri is lying shirtless on the chaise of the large sofa, a pillow underneath his head. There are a couple strategically placed hickeys on his neck, as well as a few scratch marks on the top of his chest. Ren is in a similar state, straddling Kuguri’s waist and shouting various orders at Goshiki on how to dim or turn up the lights. Yamaguchi seems to be panicking in the corner, Koganegawa by his side trying to keep his spirits up. Onaga and Inuoka are conversing by the TV, where the music is being controlled from, as if this is completely normal.

“Nao, stop crying!” Ren says, laughing. Kuguri shakes his head. “I c-can’t help it. Zayn, he just - left! And they were supposed to stay together -” “Kuguri, if you don’t stop blabbering and take the picture I’m literally gonna come over there and kiss y-” Goshiki’s comment is cut off when he looks up at the group that Kindaichi is leading down the stairs. His face goes as red as a tomato.

“U-Ushijima-san! Shirabu-san! You’re - What are you doing here?”

“Oikawa proposed that we visit you,” Ushijima responds. “And I was in the area, I guess,” Shirabu adds. 

“Oh, well, um - this isn’t what it looks like!” 

“Terushima-san!” Ren calls, looking over with a large smile. “Can you help me with positioning over here?” Now Terushima is the one to go bright red, walking over to Ren with a nod. Daishou suppresses a laugh as his boyfriend attempts to assist Ren in his fake-riding. Kuguri gives him a lowkey wave, trying to remain aloof and chill despite the tear streaks on his face and the excitable black-haired boy in his lap trying to arch his back in a variety of ways. 

Soon, all the ex-captains file into the basement, meeting up with their first years and falling into conversation. Throughout the time, some of them shout advice to Kuguri and Ren. At one point, Kuroo and Akaashi totally take over. Kuroo takes Kuguri’s phone from Ren’s hands, practicing angles. Akaashi tends to Kuguri, asking “may I?” before fixing the Nohebi captain’s hair to look a bit messier.

Finally, Ren takes an acceptable picture after several attempts (in which _“Kuguri doesn’t look like he’s enjoying this enough!” “Nao-kun, I wanna see your moaning face!”_ ). He then cuddles into Kuguri’s side and takes a quick selfie in which he’s winking and sticking his tongue out a little, making sure as many tattoos and piercings as possible are visible. In that selfie, Kuguri is droopy-eyed, but looking at Ren with a small smile. 

(A smile which causes both the Johzenji captain and Daishou to nearly combust.)

Ren then sends the picture with the caption _“he’s busy tonight ;)”_ , then turns off Kuguri’s phone to let shit hit the fan. After that, he cuddles back into Kuguri’s side as all the captains, past and present, settle down. 

“Hey, Terushima-san,” he says, nudging the dyed blonde who jumps a bit before smiling, albeit nervously. “It’s really nice to see you,” Ren continues. “I’ve missed you a lot.” Terushima furrows his eyebrows. “Really? I thought you and Takeharu -”

Ren lets out a _‘pfft’_ sound. “Yeah, Futamata-san and I are close, but you have always inspired me so much more than he did! Don’t tell him I said that, though.” Terushima smiles a bit, but a real smile. “I did?” “Of course, you big idiot! You were ace _and_ captain! Also, you’re like a genius, you have a happy long term relationship, and you’re Johzenji’s golden boy! You have, like, all your shit together! I want to be just like you,” Ren explains, then looks down, strangely embarrassed. “Uh, no homo though, senpai.”

Terushima is incredibly red at this point, but finally his face breaks into a bright, real smile. “Ren-chan, I didn’t know you felt that way! Your delinquent looks make you appear so aloof!” Ren smiles energetically in return, laughing and pushing at Terushima’s arm. “You’re one to talk, tongue ring!”

As Daishou smiles softly at his boyfriend, Seguro’s voice causes him to look up. “How are you feeling, Naoyasu?” Kuguri sighs a little, as if answering is an inconvenience, but his soft smile that has been in place since Ren moved next to him betrays his apathetic persona. “A lot better, actually. Ever since you last saw me, at least.” “And how are things with…” Daishou continues, nodding towards the Nekoma trio. Kuguri turns to him. “Great. Thanks to you, Daishou-san.” 

Daishou raises an eyebrow, shocked, then looks at Seguro to see if he’s having a similar reaction. He is.

“Nao-kun, is this - dare I even think it - an emotion?”

Kuguri huffs out a laugh. “I’m not the same first year I used to be, even though I know how much you both _adored_ my ‘I-don’t-give-a-shit’ personality.” He glances over to Ren, then around the room at the other captains. “They’re all so enthusiastic and happy. It’s contagious; like a deadly disease.” The fondness in his voice is clear as day, though.

“I’m glad you’re happy, Naoyasu,” Seguro says. “Even after that little bitch ran your poor heart through the gutter,” Daishou adds. Kuguri laughs a bit. “Y’know, Seguro-san, Daishou-san, for the first time since it all happened…” He smiles to himself. “I think I am happy. With them, you guys… I’m fine with anything that could possibly happen.” “No more senioritis then, huh?” Daishou asks, smiling softly. Kuguri shakes his head. 

“I really wanna thank both of you,” he says, quietly. “You both helped me a lot the past few years. I don’t know where I’d be without you.”

“Not on the volleyball team.”

“Down a cat friend?”

Kuguri huffs. “Man, I try to be sentimental _one time_ and this is how you both treat me… honesty, _disgusting.”_  

“Damn, forgot what high school I went to for a second,” Seguro says with a smile. “I know. Seguro-san, I wasn’t too surprised, just disappointed; but I expected _more_ from you, Daishou-san.”

Daishou glances over at the Nekoma captain trio, only standing a few feet away from them, and runs over quickly to take Kuroo out by the knees. Once he does, he innocently walks away, reporting back to his two kouhai, ignoring the curses from his former arch nemesis and saying, “how was that for Nohebi tactics?”

Once Kuroo recovers, rolling his eyes, he turns back to Fukunaga and Inuoka. “God, what a bitch…” he says. “You don’t hate him as much anymore, do you?” Inuoka asks. “I mean, Nao told me awhile ago that you two made up.” Fukunaga glances curiously at their old captain, whose cheeks are beginning to fill with color strangely.

“Yeah, if you call him sobbing to me on the floor of his and Kaname’s apartment _making up,_ then yeah, sure, we’re all good.”

Inuoka smiles. “That’s cute, though! Didn’t you guys used to be friends?” Kuroo looks away. “Enough about me, okay?” He nudges Fukunaga. “How are you?” Fukunaga looks up as if he hadn’t expected to be addressed. “I’m great, thank you for asking, Kuroo-san,” he mumbles. “What have you been up to?” Inuoka prompts. “Akinori and I just got a dog. Also, college and stuff, I guess.” “Man, you guys are so married,” Kuroo sighs, leaning back. “Kenma and I have been trying to get a cat, but whenever I bring it up, Keiji gives me this _look._ I don’t know why he doesn’t want one!” With a grimace, he adds, “he and Kenma aren’t on the best of terms right now, as a result.” Inuoka laughs and Fukunaga cracks a smile. 

“Out of the four of you, I’ve always liked their relationship the best. They’re, like, really similar, but at our games in the past? If looks could kill!” Inuoka says. “At least you and Bokuto-san played nice!”

“Don’t forget how Keiji used to rile you up, Kuroo-san,” Fukunaga whispers. “KuroAka has always been my personal favorite.” Kuroo laughs. “You guys have favorites?” Inuoka nods seriously. “Yes.” “The next-gens have voted,” Fukunaga adds. 

Slightly curious, Kuroo asks, “who won?”

“Just as we were about to crown BokuAka the ultimate champions,” Fukunaga starts, sending a wary look to the Fukurodani captains, “Keiji logged on and yelled at us.” Kuroo goes uncharacteristically red at hearing this. “Why?” “He said he loves you all equally and that we’re idiots. Kenji cried.”

“Aw,” Kuroo coos, turning to look at the curly haired ex-captain. “Keiji, you don’t really think I’m a pain in the ass?” Akaashi looks up at him monotonously, then looks away and continues his conversation with Onaga. “No answer is better than a no!” Inuoka encourages, patting Kuroo on the back. 

“He’s such a pain in the ass,” Akaashi mutters to Onaga and Bokuto. Bokuto frowns. “Keiiiiiji, you know you love him!” Akaashi merely raises an eyebrow. “Debatable, he’s skinny.”

Onaga chuckles. “How’s Tatsuki?” Bokuto asks loudly. “I haven’t seen him in so long! It’s like he’s avoiding me.” “Oh, Bokuto-san, he would never,” Onaga says, quick to fall into damage control before the situation can escalate. “He’s been good, lately, though. Working on his jump serve for the university team that he’s on.” 

“Gah, I wish we were in the same conference! I wanna play him so bad!” Bokuto exclaims. “Yes, ever since you and Tetsurou joined the volleyball team together, it’s truly been unstoppable,” Akaashi deadpans, more for show than anything. Onaga chuckles. Bokuto seems to find complete truth in it, though, puffing out his chest proudly. Onaga doesn’t miss how Akaashi’s eyes fall there almost immediately.

“Tetsu and I are better together! Always have been! Dream team!”

“I feel like I’m third wheeling,” Onaga mutters. “But Kuroo-san isn’t even talking to us, so I’m a bit confused as to why.” “Kenma and I constantly feel the same way with them around, Onaga-kun. Don’t take it too personally,” Akaashi says. 

“Oh, Onaga, I almost forgot!” Bokuto says, as if Onaga or Akaashi hadn’t just made that comment. “We brought you guys some food and stuff.” He runs back to the staircase where he had left the gift basket when they walked in, all too surprised by Ren and Kuguri’s antics to give it out. Bokuto puts it in Onaga’s hands. “There’s a fruit and vegetable platter - Moniwa’s doing since he knew you guys wouldn’t bring anything healthy - but don’t worry, I snuck some microwavable popcorn in there, too! Oh, and there’s an owl plushie -” He leans in and whispers to Onaga like it’s a big secret - “but that’s just for you.”

“Thank you, Bokuto-san. That was very thoughtful.”

“I know, right?! I’m still the best senpai! Hey, Precious!” Bokuto calls out loudly. Moniwa turns away from Koganegawa and Futakuchi with a soft, patient smile. “Yes?” “He loves it!” Moniwa directs the smile at Onaga. “I’m so glad! Enjoy!”

Moniwa then turns back to the two other Dateko captains. “How’s the team, Kogane-kun?” He asks. “They’re great! Jingo and Kou are _great_ rocks for when I don’t know what to do! I thought we would never be the same iron wall without all of you who graduated, but we’ve really kept that name alive!” Futakuchi smiles at him. “I knew you could do it, kid,” he says. Koganegawa looks shocked at the barely there compliment. “F-Futakuchi-senpai?”

“What? I chose you as captain for a reason, idiot,” he says, looking away and trying to hide his blush. “Yeah, but you’ve never said anything that nice to me before!” Koganegawa continues, clearly not fearing death. Futakuchi seems to have to physically hold himself back from strangling the kid, but after about ten seconds he takes a deep breath. 

“I know I was a bit rude to you when I was captain,” Futakuchi says. “You tried to smother me with a pillow at our training camp!” Koganegawa helpfully supplies. “Yes, well, I may have had some questionable methods,” Futakuchi mutters. “But I hope you know that they were never anything personal. You impressed me from the moment I saw what you could do, kid.”

Koganegawa borderline squeals in happiness. “I knew you had a heart, senpai!”

“Was it… ever debated that I didn’t?”

“Was Yasushi the one who gave you these emotions?” Moniwa asks, an amused smile present on his face from the entire exchange that he just witnessed. “He…” Futakuchi starts. “... helped me realize some things, I suppose.”

“He’s good for you and you’re good for him, as much as you both hate to admit it,” Moniwa says. “I’m sorry for all the trouble that I caused you, Moniwa-san,” Futakuchi says quickly, almost interrupting Moniwa, who tilts his head with a disbelieving look. “Hm?”

“I know how much of a handful I was - I was immature and didn’t understand the burden that I caused you until I became a captain myself. I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you sooner.”

Koganegawa gives a firm nod. “Yes! Even though you never had to play on the court with me, I know that I gave you trouble in practice! I’m very sorry!”

“You guys…” Moniwa says, feeling his cheeks fill with color and his chest flutter with the anxiety of being the center of attention. “You-You don’t have to apologize for anything! You are both amazing players and you always knew to get serious when the time arose! Don’t worry about me!”

“You’re an actual angel. Does Takanobu tell you that every second of the day?”

“Oh-Oh my god, Futakuchi-kun, stop -”

“Ah! Moniwa-senpai, you’re so red!”

“I’ll punch him if he doesn’t tell you it every chance he gets -”

“Could you punch Aone-senpai?”

“Well, sure, he’s immovable. Maybe if Yasushi and I combine power -”

“No one is punching Takanobu!”

As the trio of Dateko captains falls into a trainwreck, a loud, indignant scoff comes from the Aoba Johsai group. Kindaichi winces as Oikawa gives him a disappointed look. 

“I still cannot _believe_ the betrayal occurring between us right now. Did I teach you both nothing?” Oikawa asks. Yahaba looks down, shrugging. “I tried my best, Oikawa-san, but -” “It just shakes me to my core! Goodness, what would your mother say? Your gay uncles?” Kindaichi laughs, hiding it behind his hand. “I don’t think they’d mind too much; it’s not like we’re getting buddy-buddy with Tendou.”

“Don’t you buy wee-”

Kindaichi cuts Yahaba off quickly. “Not _everyone_ on Shiratorizawa is evil, Oikawa-san.” Oikawa rolls his eyes. “Well, they might as well be. That setter friend of yours, Yahaba-chan? Dare I say he’s the devil incarnate.” Yahaba nods understandingly, humming. “I can see where you’re coming from with that, Oikawa-san.”

“I suppose the devil _does_ wear Prada, then.”

“Go jump off a bridge, Kindai-chan, that was incredible.”

“Oikawa-san,” Yahaba starts, “I kept the rivalry alive. I can promise you that. But… Kenjirou is one of my best friends. He’s the one who helped me and Kentarou get together and he isn’t afraid to be himself, which I admire,” he says. He looks at his ex-senpai again. “It’s kind of the same thing I admire about you.”

Oikawa pouts a bit. “Well, I guess he’s not that bad. And he appreciates a good manicure.” He turns to Kindaichi. “But Kindai-chan, I don’t know what you see in that ace. He’s, like, a mix of all their third years put together.” Kindaichi shrugs. “I really don’t know what happened, Oikawa-san. I used to text him on Snapchat _just_ to say that he sucked and I hated him. Then he became my number 2 best friend, right after Akira.”

“Well, that is quite the predicament. Ever since our captain’s chat extended to Snapchat, Ushiwaka has been unfortunately steadily climbing up on my best friend list. You’re forgiven, Kindai-chan.”

Yahaba sighs. “Kentarou refuses to use Snapchat enough so Shinji and Kenjirou are constantly switching for the number 1 spot.” 

“But, Oikawa-san,” Kindaichi says. “Haven’t you been getting closer to Ushijima-san?” Yahaba nods. “Yeah, you guys have been in the same chat for years now. You _have_ to be at least friends by now, right?”

Oikawa looked to the group of Shiratorizawa captains. In university, he and Ushijima were on the same team. It was true that Ushijima had gotten less insufferable as he got older. Oikawa could almost say that he wasn’t bothered by Ushjima’s presence. But could he really put aside those three years of hating the guy, three years of rivalry? Could he put it all behind him?

“Nah,” he says, shrugging and flipping his hair back. Kindaichi feels a brain cell die.

From the Shiratorizawa trio, Shirabu lets out a huff of laughter at eavesdropping on the Seijoh conversation. Oikawa truly is a petty bitch, and he loves it. He also didn’t know that Yahaba truly felt that way about him. He makes a note to tease him about it later. 

Of course, he feels the exact same way, but he never has to _admit_ that.

“Goshiki,” Ushijima starts. Goshiki seems to instinctively stand up straighter. “Y-Yes, Ushijima-san?” “How’s the team doing?” Goshiki takes a deep breath, as if readying himself to say an entire speech. “Good, Ushijima-san! Thank you for asking. As ace and captain, I feel as if I’m following in your footsteps. Thank you both for everything that you have done for me these past two years in order to prepare me for this moment.”

Shirabu gives him a flat look. He tries to convey as much of _“if Ushijima-san wasn’t here I’d roast you”_ as he can. Goshiki pales a bit.

“Well, you were always talented. I’m not surprised that things are going well,” Ushijima says. Color returns to Goshiki’s face as quickly as it left. “Thank you Ushijima-san!”

“You can drop the -san. You’re a third year now,” Ushijima points out. Shirabu nods. “Yeah. We’re not, like, technically your upperclassmen anymore. Besides, it’ll totally ruin your rep if any of the first years see you calling us that.” “Are you an intimidating captain, Goshiki?” Ushijima asks. Goshiki’s stare falls blank as he takes in the question and what his ex-senpai just gave him permission to do. 

“Um - I try my best to be welcoming to them -” Shirabu cuts him off with an eye roll. “Oh, please. Ushijima-san, you should’ve seen him last year. Not only did he terrify the new first years when he was on the court, but his own classmates as well. I shudder at the thought.” Ushijima hums, nodding at what Shirabu just told him. At this point, Goshiki doesn’t know if he’s doing it to play along with Shirabu’s sarcasm or simply because this information is completely new to him.

“Whenever Satori came back from visiting you all, he said that your presence was incredible while playing,” Ushijima comments. Goshiki can’t feel his face at this point with how much he’s blushing under all this attention. He doesn’t think he’s ever had a conversation with Ushijima for this long before, and it’s _amazing._

“Oh, yeah, sure, incredible,” Shirabu comments. “He nearly made an Aoba Johsai first year shit his pants.” Goshiki can’t help but laugh at that; it _had_ been pretty hilarious how scared that kid was of him, even if Yahaba had passive aggressively yelled at him after the match. 

“That is a good quality for the ace to have,” Ushijima supplies. Now Shirabu is the one to turn a bit red, and Goshiki is so glad that Ushijima Wakatoshi’s blunt observational humor exists in this world. “I believe I did the same to Hinata Shouyou in your first year, Goshiki.” 

Goshiki laughs a bit, then nods. “You did! He told me.” 

“It is good to see you both again,” Ushijima says earnestly. “We should get the old team together soon, if that would be agreeable with both of you. Satori has been wanting to for awhile now.” Goshiki nods fervently. Shirabu nods as well, but with less enthusiasm because he’s a cool, chill guy. “Perfect. I will let Satori know. He will be absolutely thrilled.”

As Goshiki practically vibrates with anticipation, the Karasuno captains laugh at Yamaguchi’s Tales of Kagehina. 

“No, I’m serious, Tobio and Tsukki full on _lifted him into the air_ just so he could punch Lev in the face. I wish I got it on camera!”

Ennoshita laughs into his hand, trying to pretend that it wasn’t the most amusing thing he had heard since Tanaka accidentally called him “mom”. Daichi chuckles. “And did you join them?” Yamaguchi makes a “pfft” sound, shaking his head. “I was talking to Shibayama the whole time! He’s, like, a mini Yaku-san now!” Ennoshita puts a hand to his heart. “That would mean that you’re a mini Suga, if you guys get along so well now!”

“Speaking of Suga,” Daichi says, gaining the attention of both other captains. “I need to tell you guys something.”

“Is everything okay?” Ennoshita asks. “Yeah, of course, everything’s… great, actually.” Daichi drops his voice down lower and leans into the two younger captains. “I wanna ask him to marry me,” he says. Yamaguchi nearly _screams,_ but manages to keep his composure. Ennoshita smiles widely. “Oh my god, congratulations!”

“Well, he hasn’t said yes yet -”

“Oh please, Daichi-san, as if he would say no,” Yamaguchi says quickly. “You guys are a perfect couple! I’ve never seen the type of love you guys have anywhere else before. Well, besides my parents, but that just solidifies the point more.” Ennoshita nods. “You guys are made for each other, no doubt about that.” “I feel that way, too,” Daichi says, then takes a deep breath. “I just hope he agrees.”

“He will,” Yamaguchi says firmly. “When are you gonna do it?” 

“Oh, maybe on a moonlit night, when there’s a light breeze, you go out for a romantic candlelit dinner and then walk up to the top of the Tokyo Tower! Then when he’s looking out at the scenery, his eyes sparkling, you get down on one knee and pull out the ring! It’ll be a perfect cinematic masterpiece!” Ennoshita exclaims. Daichi looks at him, wide-eyed. “Wow. That’s extravagant.” “Is that how you want Tanaka-san to propose to you? ‘Cause he might need a hint,” Yamaguchi adds. Ennoshita huffs. 

“While that does sound beautiful, and it’s an _amazing_ idea…” Daichi starts. “But… I was thinking of doing it in the gym, where we first met. I thought we could all come to visit you guys and maybe pop the question there. Then we could go out for meat buns afterwards, like old times?” At Yamaguchi’s sparkling eyes and Ennoshita’s nod, he continues. “Koushi is really sentimental. I don’t want to make it _too_ tacky, though.”

“I know exactly what you mean, Daichi-san,” Ennoshita says. “If you need help with anything, please let me know.” Daichi nods thankfully. “Thank you, Ennoshita, I’ll be sure to do that.”

“And when you adopt seven kids Tsukki and I will totally babysit!” Yamaguchi says happily, then deflates at his ex-captains’ looks. “Oh, um, too soon?” Ennoshita and Daichi laugh, then Yamaguchi soon joins in.

“Chikaraaaaaaa,” Fukunaga’s voice says as he walks over to the Karasuno group. “Hello, Daichi-san, Yamaguchi-kun,” he adds quietly before draping himself dramatically over Ennoshita. “Kenjirou’s getting fidgety. You think it’s because Shigeru stole his vape?”

Ennoshita laughs, pushing at Fukunaga. “Kenjirou doesn’t _have_ a vape; if any of us do it’s most likely Keiji!”

“It is getting pretty late,” Daichi says, checking his phone. “I know Oikawa wanted our group to go out for drinks, and you guys have a sleepover to get to.” Yamaguchi glances at Fukunaga and Ennoshita. “You guys are having a sleepover, too?” “Yeah, at Seguro’s house!” Ennoshita says. 

“Collect the princesses. They never listen to me,” Fukunaga says, poking Ennoshita in the side. The ex-Karasuno captain nods, walking across Kuguri’s basement to get the rest of the next-gens. “Daichi-san,” Yamaguchi says quietly as he and the other captain are left alone. “Yes, Yamaguchi-kun?” 

“Thank you. For everything. You and Ennoshita-san both taught me how to be an amazing captain. I wish you and Suga-san the best. Like Ennoshita-san said, if you need anything, please let me know.” Daichi smiles softly at the third year in front of him. He had grown up so much since Daichi had graduated; he was almost unrecognizable. But in a way, it was better that way. He no longer had that nervous and anxious look in his eyes; he was confident. He believed in himself. Daichi felt a shot of pride pass through him and he realized how much Yamaguchi had matured.

“I will, Tadashi-kun. And you are an amazing captain; never doubt that about yourself.” Yamaguchi’s cheeks filled with color as he nodded. “I won’t; thank you so much, Daichi-san!”

“Enjoy the face masks, Kindai-chan!” Oikawa’s voice sounds from behind the two as he pulls Bokuto by the hand to the stairs again. As he passes Yamaguchi, he ruffles his hair. “Have fun, babe.” “Thanks, Oikawa-san!” Yamaguchi smiles brightly. 

“Don’t get high, okay? Promise me you will stay away from the drugs,” Terushima says earnestly, grabbing Ren’s face and squeezing his cheeks together. The third year rolls his eyes. “I will stay away from the drugs. It’s 100% illegal, after all.” They share a wink, then Terushima laughs loudly, patting Ren on the head. “You’re pretty close to Kuguri-kun, too. Make sure to use a condom, okay?” Ren goes bright red. “I-I have a girlfriend, Terushima-san!” “I’m just trying to be a good senpai!”

“Bye, Turnip head,” Yahaba says, reaching up to mess with Kindaichi hair before Shirabu pulls on his arm. Kindaichi goes red in petulance and pouts, but Yahaba just sends him his most Oikawa smile back. 

As Shirabu passes Goshiki again, he pokes him in the cheek. “You better have a cuter haircut the next time I see you.” “You say that every time you see me, Shirabu!” “‘Cause you never change your gross ass bowlcut.” “Oh, go suck a dick,” Goshiki says with an eye roll. Shirabu lets a laugh loose before he can stop it, waving at the third year. “I’ll come to Nationals when you guys get there, okay?” Goshiki nods with a smile. “Yeah.”

“You’ll lead them there,” Ushijima says with a clap on his back. Goshiki gets a determined look on his face. “You bet I will.”

Akaashi claps Onaga on the shoulder. “I’ll visit soon, okay?” Onaga nods. “Me and Koutarou. I’ll try to get the others to come, too.” Akaashi chuckles to himself. “Washio-san won’t take much convincing, though.” He looks at the third years in the room. “Have fun with them,” he says. Onaga smiles. “I will. Thank you, Akaashi-san.” “And eat those vegetables. You know that Koutarou will find a way to find out if you did or not.” Onaga hums. “There’s definitely a camera in the owl.” Akaashi laughs. “Exactly. Bye, Wataru-kun.” Onaga gives a wave as Akaashi chases after his boyfriend who’s being dragged away by a certain brunette setter.

“Hey, kid,” Kuroo says, wrapping an arm around Inuoka’s shoulders. He’s gotten taller since first year, the ex-captain notices. “You’re gonna do great, okay?” Inuoka nods. “Thank you, Kuroo-san.” He turns to face him. “Did I ever tell you you’re like an older brother to me?” Kuroo’s eyes go wide in shock, but soon a pleased smirk comes over his face. “No, but it’s really nice to hear.” Inuoka laughs a bit. “Go have drinks with your cool friends now,” he says, gesturing to the group of captains gathering by the staircase. “I’ll join you in a couple years.” Kuroo smiles again, fully wrapping his arms around Inuoka. “I’m proud of you, kid. You did some things that I never could.” Inuoka laughs, hugging Kuroo back. “I know. Befriending Nohebi was a feat in of itself.” Kuroo chuckles, claps Inuoka on the back, then walks over to meet the rest of the captains.

“Guess it’s time for us to go,” Moniwa says. “Be safe tonight, okay, Kanji?” Koganegawa nods. “Okay, Moniwa-senpai.” “Say goodbye to your brother,” Moniwa coos teasingly, poking Futakuchi’s bicep. Futakuchi plays along, groaning petulantly. “Bye, Kogane,” he huffs. Koganegawa doesn’t seem to get it, but smiles brightly nonetheless. “Bye, Futakuchi-senpai! Have fun at your sleepover!” 

“I feel bad leaving you,” Daishou says, ruffling Kuguri’s already messy hair. “You have no adult supervision. Maybe we should stay until -” “I promise we’ll be fine, Daishou-san,” Kuguri interrupts quickly. Seguro chuckles. “I’m just a few blocks down if you do need anything,” he says. Kuguri gives him a lackluster thumbs up. “Sounds great, Seguro-san. But I think I have enough lube for all of us.” Daishou laughs loudly. Then, he leans in closer to Kuguri, whispering, “have fun with your Johzenji twink, alright?” Kuguri goes bright red, putting his face in his hands quickly to hide it. There’s a muffled, _“he has a girlfriend!”_ before Daishou giggles and leads Seguro away.

Once Kuguri reluctantly gets up to show the large group out, the party really starts. After applying their face masks, Goshiki looks to Kindaichi who nods firmly. “We should play Never Have I Ever!” The Shiratorizawa captain suggests. Ren laughs from where he’s lying on Kuguri’s couch. “Oh _fuck_ yes.”

“How do you play?” Koganegawa asks. “Well, everyone holds up five fingers,” Goshiki starts. “We take turns saying Never Have I Ever done a thing, saying something you’ve never done. If you’ve done that thing, you put down a finger. Whoever loses all their fingers first is the loser.” “Or the winner, depending on the things we say,” Kindaichi supplies. Koganegawa still looks painfully confused. Yamaguchi pats his shoulder comfortingly. “You’ll get the hang of it, Kogane.” He nods, now determined, and Kindaichi starts the game.

“Never have I ever used hair gel in my hair.” While there are cries of bullshit, Inuoka, Ren, and - reluctantly - Kuguri all put a finger down.

Yamaguchi goes next, saying “never have I ever done drugs.” Everyone collectively groans, all putting down a finger bar Inuoka and Koganegawa. “Below the belt,” Kuguri mutters.

Inuoka hums when it comes to him and he says, “never have I ever flirted with someone else’s significant other!” “Bitch,” Kuguri mumbles as he puts another finger down. Yamaguchi regretfully puts a finger down as well; as does Ren. “Yamamama!” Goshiki gasps. “I didn’t know it at the time!” Yamaguchi defends quickly, bright red. 

It’s Onaga’s turn next. “Never have I ever wanted to fuck my captain.” Goshiki and Koganegawa’s fingers go down, much to both of their embarrassments.

“Never have I ever gotten into a fist fight,” Kuguri says. Inuoka, Onaga, Kindaichi, and Yamaguchi all put fingers down. “ _Yamamama!”_ Goshiki shrieks, louder this time.

“Never have I ever wanted to fuck a third year when I was a first year,” Ren says. Everyone except Koganegawa puts a finger down, but that was a given. “I thought you said you thought Moniwa-san was your most attractive senpai,” Kindaichi comments. Koganegawa nods. “Yeah, but I never wanted to do… that to him! Have you _seen_ him? Also he’s not into that kinda stuff and Koganegawa Kanji is nothing if not a gentlemen who respects people’s sexual preferences!” Ren snorts.

“Never have I ever drank alcohol,” Koganegawa says. “Fuck!” Kuguri exclaims, putting his last finger down. “Y’all are after me, I swear.” Goshiki, Kindaichi, Ren, and Onaga also put fingers down. Yamaguchi shakes his head disapprovingly, only stopping when Goshiki speaks.

“Never have I ever… gotten with someone on another team.” Yamaguchi stops shaking his head because he goes bright red, putting down a finger in shame. “Holy shit,” Kuguri laughs upon noticing. “Okay, does kissing count as getting with someone?” Yamaguchi asks, causing an inhuman shriek from the Shiratorizawa and Aoba Johsai captains. “Yes, it does!” Goshiki exclaims. “Who was it?” Ren asks, eyes bright with mischief that Yamaguchi does not want to get involved with. “No one! You guys don’t need to know!”

“So you _weren’t_ completely pure when Tsukki got to you? Damn. Sucks,” Kindaichi says. Inuoka laughs. “Just tell us, Yams!” Yamaguchi shakes his head, hiding his face in his knees. “No. It’s a story for another day.” “And they say _we_ keep secret lovers from them,” Onaga whispers, nudging Kuguri in the side. 

Yamaguchi huffs. “All you need to know is I was a confused first year and girls were hot and boys were hot and I didn’t know what to do!” He puts his face back against his knees. “I am so ashamed.” 

“Don’t be ashamed of that, Tadashi!” Koganegawa encourages with a smile. “Yeah, work it, queen!” Ren says in agreement. “I bet it was Kuroo-san. Was it Kuroo-san?” Inuoka asks. Yamaguchi shakes his head quickly, but somehow gets even redder. “N-No!” Then, in a whisper, “as much as I may have wanted it to be.” Kindaichi _explodes._

“He was just in the room, though! How could you have a crush on him then be so cool with him I swear I still have heart palpitations around Iwaizumi-san not because I still like him or anything but just because he definitely _knows_ that I liked him but he’s never said anything because he’s the nicest person I’ve ever met in my life -” He stops to take a breath, and because Goshiki slaps him out of his rant.

“You owe us,” Goshiki says, pointing at Yamaguchi, who nods forlornly, knowing that he’ll eventually have to give him an explanation. Besides Tsukki, Shouyou, and Tobio, these guys are his best friends. He knows he can tell them anything, really, just… not in person. He doesn’t think his poor heart can handle all that anxiety.

The rest of the night continues on, with One Direction throwbacks playing in the background until they decide to have a Smash Bros tournament. Kuguri only has four controllers, so they switch off. Onaga ends up winning the final battle with Goshiki, who stares at a wall with wide eyes for nearly five minutes because he had the superstition that whoever won this would win Nationals. Onaga states that they should just give Fukurodani the trophy now. 

As they eat the fruit and vegetables that Bokuto and Moniwa got them, Kindaichi suggests a Ghost Adventures marathon, to which they all readily agree. They all cuddle up around the couch as much as they can, covered in blankets and the lights dimmed. Koganegawa and Inuoka both jump a few times, while Ren keeps muttering about how nice Zak Bagans’ arms are. 

They end up falling asleep like that, draped over each other as much as they can with their long limbs and uncomfortably muscular bodies. A few blocks down, the next-gen captains are falling asleep themselves; Shirabu assuming his position on top of Yahaba as they all drift off. The original captains are just saying goodbye, all returning home to get some rest for the next day’s college practices. 

Their friendships weren’t perfect, they weren’t always in agreement, and they definitely weren’t giving up on rivalries; but it was _theirs._ They were unique and found comfort in each other when they couldn’t find it anywhere else. They could rely on each other and be themselves. They cried, sometimes they fought, but they always came out stronger in the end. They had each other, they had relationships that would last a lifetime. They had nothing to lose and everything to gain from one another. It was comfortable. It was safe. 

It was _them._

And that was more than enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AND THAT'S THE END. (of captains' chatfics)
> 
> i hope you all enjoyed these works!! i know that i had so much fun writing them. (and, if you look really closely, you can tell how my humor has changed)
> 
> i have a few fanfics for this universe still in mind!! i'm currently writing one about kuguri's backstory with his ex-bf, one explaining who yamaguchi kissed on another team, how kuroo and daishou stopped really hating each other, and i have a few more in mind. let me know if you need anything explained or if you have any requests for a fic in this universe!! i'll definitely deliver the best i can 
> 
> thank you all so much for all the support throughout not only this fic but the previous two as well!! it's meant so much to get a lot of positivity along the way.
> 
> hmu on tumblr @futamataxtakeharu !! have a great day and thank you for your patience and validation!!! <3
> 
> (PS i am so mad bc this was almost 69 pages in docs but my extra ass had to go and write 71 pages. i am upset.)


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